Is that Weird??

I have come to the realization that I am simply not a usual character. I am very different, unusual, unique if you will. I am plagued with thoughts I am most certain that others do not have.
Therefore, I will share with you the things that run through my head throughout my day as well as some of my slightly "abnormal" habits. And I ask you, is that weird?

*I am both a night owl and a morning person. I can stay up all night, then wake up cheery and wide eyed.

*Most of the time when people laugh, I'm not even trying to be funny, but if people laugh, I make sure to repeat myself to receive maximum laughter.

*I spend an absurd amount of time looking up new words and trying to use them in everyday situations and take pride in knowing the definition, and showing people up.

*Incorrect grammar gives me a twitch. I die a little inside every time someone speaks incorrectly or has a typo.

*Before each court case with my job, I practice everything I am going to say or could possibly be asked, in a mirror at home.

*Sometimes when I'm at home, alone, I'll talk to myself and then crack up laughing because my thoughts are hilarious.

*Sometimes I will look at a client and think "Well done, God, you obviously dropped the ball with that one."

*I make weird sound effects for pretty much everything I do, especially when I'm alone or with little kids.

*I simply cannot drive in a car by myself without blaring the radio and dancing like an idiot. It will never happen.

*I have come to the realization that I need a roommate, a boyfriend, a kid, or a dog that doesn't stalk me when I'm home alone.  However, the things I say out loud probably prevent this..

*I fall down a lot, usually doing something stupid like ninja kicking the air or trying to do a pirouette as if I'm in the ballet. I usually just sit on the floor for a minute and think "how do I have friends?"

*Most of the time when I make weird noises, fall down and injure myself, or do something absolutely weird (basically every 5 minutes), I just think "aaaaaand this is why you're single, Alyssa."

*90% of the time when I write songs, it's all improvisations and ad libs. I just play piano and say random stuff. If I don't video it, I'll never remember the song. Many times, I never play them again.

*Most of the time when I watch romantic movies, I feel the need to say "That's not realistic", after every romantic gesture. I have to point out when something is completely cheesy and off the wall, and would never happen in reality. My friends hate me for it.

*I firmly believe that perfect romance does not exist. You want a knight in shining armor who is manly and perfect, when all you'll really ever get is a dork in aluminum foil who farts a lot.

*I hate the word "pleasure". It freaks me out, makes me uncomfortable. Even if you say "it's my pleasure". I think the word is just awkward.

*If I like someone, I'm more sarcastic and mean to them. If I have no feelings for them, I'm suuuuuper nice. I think I got this backwards...

*I'm in an emotional relationship with my refrigerator. Enough said.

*The main reason I don't go the gym is because I think "oh no, you're way too fat for gym clothes". Completely logical reason for not losing weight or getting fit.

*When I go to Wal-Mart and there's no greeter, I get disappointed and feel unwelcome.

*Most of the time when I go to Wal-Mart and the greeter says "Welcome to Wal-Mart", I typically respond, stupidly, with "you too". *face palm*

*Anytime I'm cooking and something says "serves 4", I feel like it's a personal challenge to eat it all myself. Obviously they don't account for fat people.

*I'm seriously disappointed in God's handy work. If he had to make me busty, he could have at least given someone the ability to create a comfortable bra.

*The best part of my day is when I get home and get to take my pants off. Cuz, who likes wearing pants?

*I have long, serious, conversations with my dog and I give him lectures when I feel he's acting "inappropriately".

*I'm too sarcastic. Especially with children.

*I'm almost positive that I'm still a child. Also, when I grow up, I want to be a rockstar. Still.

*The other day I tried to do a cartwheel. I thought, "hey it's just like riding a bike". Turns out, it's not.

*I am paranoid about dying in really absurd, unrealistic ways. Like, if I hear a creak in the floor I think "Oh my God! An ex con has escaped from prison, stalked me, broke into my house, made himself a key, took pictures of me, made a shrine, bought an axe, and is now waiting in my living room to cut off all my hair to keep as a souvenir."
My creativity is scary at times..

*Sometimes I cry laughing at my own jokes

*My goal is to marry someone funnier than me. I actually really hate being the funny one in a relationship.

*I'm actually extremely good at rapping. I'm embarrassed to say, I can wipe the floor with you with Vanilla Ice.

*I use baby lotion because it makes me feel cozy.

*I genuinely enjoy the smell of gasoline.

*I pride myself in having music that no one else listens to.

*I LOVE reading books to little kids. Sound effects galore and different voices. So. Much. FUN!

*I am convinced I can do a robot dance, when in actuality, I can't.

*For my speech class in high school, I wrote a full comedy routine as a demonstration speech for "how to be funny". It was epic.

*When I get to work and all my coworkers are in the office, I ask them all where they'd like to go for lunch. They'll say "Alyssa, it's 9am" and I'll respond with "Yes and I'd like to mentally prepare for our feast."

*When I come up on a stoplight and it turns green before I have to slow down, I call it "coming in hot" and zoom around the other cars like I'm in Fast and the Furious.

*My dog and I have an agreement at home. He kills all of the camel crickets by ripping off their legs, and I pick them up in a kleenex and throw them away. I'm serious. This happens several times a week.

*When my laptop battery is low and says I have 10 minutes remaining, I think "challenge accepted" and begin typing really fast.. (like right now, for instance).

*When my mom gets embarrassed by the words that come out of my mouth, I get disappointed in her lack of appreciation of my humor.

*My dad and I used to compete with 'your mom' jokes. The best one I ever had was "Well your mom eats ham....for a living!!" (I had a big dramatic pause, then screamed.......for no reason...oh, and grandma was there). I have no idea why it was funny, but him and I both repeat it every time we see each other, and we both laugh hysterically, while my mom shakes her head.


It's pretty obvious that most of my life is weird, but I'm sure you have your fair share of habits or unusual thoughts. So, I ask you, is that weird?


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