Experience the Magic: BUY. A. WOLF. SHIRT!
First, I will start by saying that my maturity level ranges from 12 year old girl to 40 year old cat lady. I'm always extremely childish or such an old lady that people have trouble socializing with me. I live in a land of awkward, where making random sound effects is normal and where old lady sweaters are a thing to celebrate.
Having said that, I have a variety of oddball friends who just might share in my hilarity and ridiculous sense of humor that always has my mother shaking her head.
Today, we have Brandon to thank. Our entire friendship can be summed up by a string of youtube videos and funny articles we find online. Anymore, it's like a competition for who can find the funnier thing. This time, I believe he won. I like to challenge myself and try to outdo each thing he sends me, but after the free flow of tears, it was clear I could not outdo this one. Instead, I just embraced it, in all of it's awesomeness.
He sent me this picture from amazon:
To some, this is just a shirt, but to others, this shirt is nothing but pure awesomeness, as reflected in this customer review:
By B. Govern on November 10, 2008
Having said that, I have a variety of oddball friends who just might share in my hilarity and ridiculous sense of humor that always has my mother shaking her head.
Today, we have Brandon to thank. Our entire friendship can be summed up by a string of youtube videos and funny articles we find online. Anymore, it's like a competition for who can find the funnier thing. This time, I believe he won. I like to challenge myself and try to outdo each thing he sends me, but after the free flow of tears, it was clear I could not outdo this one. Instead, I just embraced it, in all of it's awesomeness.
He sent me this picture from amazon:
To some, this is just a shirt, but to others, this shirt is nothing but pure awesomeness, as reflected in this customer review:
By B. Govern on November 10, 2008
"This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and
worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic
happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover
my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was
immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my
shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl
at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that
approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give
them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they
didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't
settle for the first thing that comes to him.
I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.
Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark."
Okay, are you with me? Is that not the best review you have ever read??
I literally had a free flow of tears last night and the more I read it, the harder I laugh. I still have the ache in my side from how hard I was laughing. I was making an awful sound and could not even breathe right. I was nothing but a bent over mess, sounding like a tortured hyena. What's more, my brother has a version of this shirt. As I stared at the picture, I remembered my brother's blue wolf shirt and it only resulted in more laughter. This morning when I got to my parent's house, I was still laughing. I could not even help myself. I had filled my dad in on the situation and, he too, was a ball of laughter.
I then decided that I was going to steal this shirt from my brother and I would experience the magic that should only come from an epic wolf shirt such as this. My brother was wearing it and I immediately instructed him to "take it off now." He did not question me. I believe I had that look in my eye, the crazy one that says DO NOT. MESS WITH ME. I tend to give him this face a lot. He's my little brother who happens to be taller than me, however, I have no problem kicking his butt any day of the week and he knows it.
Finally, I have the shirt. I stand tall, soaking in all of the awesomeness to come. The air suddenly felt crisper, the sky brighter, overall, the day was just better!!!
I can't even begin to express the delight I felt, knowing my life would be forever changed with this shirt.
And so it went like this...
I'm walking through the house with a new found appreciation for life. Suddenly I feel 6 feet tall, knowing full well I'm not even 5'5". I walk through with confidence, ready for good things to come. I go to the kitchen where dad is making lunch and there I see them. A small, plastic box on the edge of the counter. My eyes brightened with delight as I flashed back to my childhood. There, in that little square box, were perfect little pizzelles, these delicious, round, vanilla waffle cookies that are a mixture of sunshine and happiness. I practically pounce the box like a fat kid eating cake. I eat cookie after cookie, delighting in each bite. They are heaven sent. My mouth watered as I quickly devoured them, not caring about anything else. Not from the wolf shirt, you say? Well, think again. I haven't had one of these since my great grandmother had a pizzelle maker and brought them to every Holiday Celebration. I rarely see grandma anymore, nor have I had one of these cookies in years! I obviously miss grandma too, but AHHH PIZZELLES!!!
Next thing I know, my boldness comes out, along with an intrinsic new ego. I quickly realize I can say WHATEVER I want. Literally, anything. I'm so proud of these wolves and the great confidence and authority they have given me. At lunch, I decide to approach a difficult subject. My brother's pathetic excuse for a mustache was beginning to bother me and the question had to be asked. I quietly turned to him and said "So, I must know. Is that part of your mustache, or are your nose hairs crawling out over your lips?" I was unprepared for his response, but he just looked up at me and said, "Both." He was neither mad nor offended. He just simply said "both" and moved on.
WOW!
Then I decided to tell an inappropriate joke that I just find absolutely hilarious.
I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.
Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark."
Okay, are you with me? Is that not the best review you have ever read??
I literally had a free flow of tears last night and the more I read it, the harder I laugh. I still have the ache in my side from how hard I was laughing. I was making an awful sound and could not even breathe right. I was nothing but a bent over mess, sounding like a tortured hyena. What's more, my brother has a version of this shirt. As I stared at the picture, I remembered my brother's blue wolf shirt and it only resulted in more laughter. This morning when I got to my parent's house, I was still laughing. I could not even help myself. I had filled my dad in on the situation and, he too, was a ball of laughter.
I then decided that I was going to steal this shirt from my brother and I would experience the magic that should only come from an epic wolf shirt such as this. My brother was wearing it and I immediately instructed him to "take it off now." He did not question me. I believe I had that look in my eye, the crazy one that says DO NOT. MESS WITH ME. I tend to give him this face a lot. He's my little brother who happens to be taller than me, however, I have no problem kicking his butt any day of the week and he knows it.
Finally, I have the shirt. I stand tall, soaking in all of the awesomeness to come. The air suddenly felt crisper, the sky brighter, overall, the day was just better!!!
I can't even begin to express the delight I felt, knowing my life would be forever changed with this shirt.
And so it went like this...
I'm walking through the house with a new found appreciation for life. Suddenly I feel 6 feet tall, knowing full well I'm not even 5'5". I walk through with confidence, ready for good things to come. I go to the kitchen where dad is making lunch and there I see them. A small, plastic box on the edge of the counter. My eyes brightened with delight as I flashed back to my childhood. There, in that little square box, were perfect little pizzelles, these delicious, round, vanilla waffle cookies that are a mixture of sunshine and happiness. I practically pounce the box like a fat kid eating cake. I eat cookie after cookie, delighting in each bite. They are heaven sent. My mouth watered as I quickly devoured them, not caring about anything else. Not from the wolf shirt, you say? Well, think again. I haven't had one of these since my great grandmother had a pizzelle maker and brought them to every Holiday Celebration. I rarely see grandma anymore, nor have I had one of these cookies in years! I obviously miss grandma too, but AHHH PIZZELLES!!!
Next thing I know, my boldness comes out, along with an intrinsic new ego. I quickly realize I can say WHATEVER I want. Literally, anything. I'm so proud of these wolves and the great confidence and authority they have given me. At lunch, I decide to approach a difficult subject. My brother's pathetic excuse for a mustache was beginning to bother me and the question had to be asked. I quietly turned to him and said "So, I must know. Is that part of your mustache, or are your nose hairs crawling out over your lips?" I was unprepared for his response, but he just looked up at me and said, "Both." He was neither mad nor offended. He just simply said "both" and moved on.
WOW!
Then I decided to tell an inappropriate joke that I just find absolutely hilarious.
Sure, it's a little edgy and probably a little offensive, but I love it anyway.
I asked dad, "Why did Sally fall off the swing?"
He replied with, "Because I pushed her?"
"She had no arms."
*He began to laugh*
Then I chimed in again with "Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"NOT Sally!"
I asked dad, "Why did Sally fall off the swing?"
He replied with, "Because I pushed her?"
"She had no arms."
*He began to laugh*
Then I chimed in again with "Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"NOT Sally!"
*We all laughed hysterically*
THAT joke was only possible because of the wolf shirt. I am sure!!
It was time for me to head back home, another grand car journey to come, but I was not worried. I had my trusty wolf shirt to be my traveling guide and we would, no doubt, have a good time.
I walked outside to a beautiful, sunny day with 60 degree weather, relishing in how it felt. I remained cheerful as I hopped into my car. I instantly opened the sunroof and let the sun shine in on me and my beautiful wolf attire.
I turned on the radio, ready to jam out. I began rocking out to my normal, coffeehouse rock, acoustics. Next thing I know, I'm on the highway jamming and the Bohemian Rhapsody comes on the radio. Oh let us thank the ever loving Radio God who has just made this possible. I quickly began singing along, using all of the voices, impressed with my own abilities to not only match each voice, but also for remembering all of the words. I was almost disappointed that no one could witness such an account!
I continued on until my low fuel light came on as I entered Carmi. I stopped for gas and realized it was 5 cents cheaper in Carmi than in Carteville. KA-CHING!! That's a win! Wolf shirt strikes again!!! BAM!
Just when I thought the music magic was over, the song Airplanes came on by BOB. I began singing along and my friend Tyler called me. I was torn, I really wanted to finish the song. I quickly answered before the rap part came back on. Then all of a sudden I just started rapping into the phone, full on, every single word. He kept yelling at me to shut up and he kept talking, but I just kept rapping like nothing was up. Then he hung up. I wasn't even mad. I just finished my song.
As I was driving, a church van passed me with a sign that said "Honk if you love Jesus". Immediately I honked four times, this way Jesus knows the wolves love him too!
And just when I thought the music part of my day was over, "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns and Roses comes on the radio, leaving only one thing to do: sing along while playing a mean air guitar. I pulled into Marion, rocking out and it came to the sweet guitar solo right as I came to a stoplight. This could not have been more perfect. A guy pulls up next to me and just laughed, but I kept going, strumming my heart out. Next thing I know, he starts playing air drums and just rocking out hard. We both just sat there, playing our invisible instruments, completely lost in our car bands. I don't know this guy, he doesn't know me, but somehow I think we just may be soulmates. Who else would do this?
Thank you, wolf shirt. (:
After my jam session, I am rather parched. I move my sunglasses out of my cupholder so that I may purchase a drink and find $2. HEY THAT'S A WIN!! I pull into Sonic to celebrate and splurge for a large Cherry Vanilla Coke.
As I pull up to pay I sneezed like 3 times and the guy literally looks down at me and says
"One. That was adorable. And two. Bless you."
The wolf shirt has made my sneezes adorable!!!
Heart. Melting.
Finally, I drift onto my street and see my neighbors all standing outside, hanging out. I love it when they do this. They are ALWAYS having some sort of shindig at their place with a bunch of mid-late 20's, attractive, young men hanging around. I'm not mad. I pull into my driveway thinking I have this new found confidence and that I should walk up and talk to them. Why not? Maybe they won't remember seeing me fall into my sink after standing on my counter that one time. Maybe they didn't actually see it? Maybe their laughter was merely a coincidence as they stared at me through my kitchen window....
I get out of my car and all of a sudden my confidence abandons me. Gone. The wolf magic has left me.
I cannot flirt. Instead, I trip and fall onto the steps by my door.
GOOD GOD, ALYSSA GET IT TOGETHER!!
I pick myself up and run into the house.
I peek out the window and, much to my surprise, nobody appeared to notice.
Saved. The wolf shirt works after all.
This day has been made possible by my incredibly amazing, wolf shirt.
To which I would have never known of the magic without Brandon's help.
This should be a message to all of you.
BUY. A. WOLF. SHIRT.
Experience the Magic!
THAT joke was only possible because of the wolf shirt. I am sure!!
It was time for me to head back home, another grand car journey to come, but I was not worried. I had my trusty wolf shirt to be my traveling guide and we would, no doubt, have a good time.
I walked outside to a beautiful, sunny day with 60 degree weather, relishing in how it felt. I remained cheerful as I hopped into my car. I instantly opened the sunroof and let the sun shine in on me and my beautiful wolf attire.
I turned on the radio, ready to jam out. I began rocking out to my normal, coffeehouse rock, acoustics. Next thing I know, I'm on the highway jamming and the Bohemian Rhapsody comes on the radio. Oh let us thank the ever loving Radio God who has just made this possible. I quickly began singing along, using all of the voices, impressed with my own abilities to not only match each voice, but also for remembering all of the words. I was almost disappointed that no one could witness such an account!
I continued on until my low fuel light came on as I entered Carmi. I stopped for gas and realized it was 5 cents cheaper in Carmi than in Carteville. KA-CHING!! That's a win! Wolf shirt strikes again!!! BAM!
Just when I thought the music magic was over, the song Airplanes came on by BOB. I began singing along and my friend Tyler called me. I was torn, I really wanted to finish the song. I quickly answered before the rap part came back on. Then all of a sudden I just started rapping into the phone, full on, every single word. He kept yelling at me to shut up and he kept talking, but I just kept rapping like nothing was up. Then he hung up. I wasn't even mad. I just finished my song.
As I was driving, a church van passed me with a sign that said "Honk if you love Jesus". Immediately I honked four times, this way Jesus knows the wolves love him too!
And just when I thought the music part of my day was over, "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns and Roses comes on the radio, leaving only one thing to do: sing along while playing a mean air guitar. I pulled into Marion, rocking out and it came to the sweet guitar solo right as I came to a stoplight. This could not have been more perfect. A guy pulls up next to me and just laughed, but I kept going, strumming my heart out. Next thing I know, he starts playing air drums and just rocking out hard. We both just sat there, playing our invisible instruments, completely lost in our car bands. I don't know this guy, he doesn't know me, but somehow I think we just may be soulmates. Who else would do this?
Thank you, wolf shirt. (:
After my jam session, I am rather parched. I move my sunglasses out of my cupholder so that I may purchase a drink and find $2. HEY THAT'S A WIN!! I pull into Sonic to celebrate and splurge for a large Cherry Vanilla Coke.
As I pull up to pay I sneezed like 3 times and the guy literally looks down at me and says
"One. That was adorable. And two. Bless you."
The wolf shirt has made my sneezes adorable!!!
Heart. Melting.
Finally, I drift onto my street and see my neighbors all standing outside, hanging out. I love it when they do this. They are ALWAYS having some sort of shindig at their place with a bunch of mid-late 20's, attractive, young men hanging around. I'm not mad. I pull into my driveway thinking I have this new found confidence and that I should walk up and talk to them. Why not? Maybe they won't remember seeing me fall into my sink after standing on my counter that one time. Maybe they didn't actually see it? Maybe their laughter was merely a coincidence as they stared at me through my kitchen window....
I get out of my car and all of a sudden my confidence abandons me. Gone. The wolf magic has left me.
I cannot flirt. Instead, I trip and fall onto the steps by my door.
GOOD GOD, ALYSSA GET IT TOGETHER!!
I pick myself up and run into the house.
I peek out the window and, much to my surprise, nobody appeared to notice.
Saved. The wolf shirt works after all.
This day has been made possible by my incredibly amazing, wolf shirt.
To which I would have never known of the magic without Brandon's help.
This should be a message to all of you.
BUY. A. WOLF. SHIRT.
Experience the Magic!
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