just alyssa

Every day, we can find new lessons in our experiences. 2013 has been full of lessons for me. Sometimes, I wish I could go back and learn to appreciate the small things along the way. I wish I could tell myself not to worry or stress and to just let things go. 22 has been an age of change for me. I remember sitting here last year thinking about how great life was going to be. I just hoped and prayed everything would somehow fall into place. Cut to 3 months later, me crying because I don't have a job, stressed about money, worried about having a place to live, plagued with car issues, and yet--here I am. I have a house. I have a job. I have a new car. My life is seemingly together. I stressed and stressed and cried and cried, thinking things would never work out for me. Things were never going to hit a happy ending for me. College was rough. Worse than rough. Sometimes I'm not even sure how I made it out alive. Working 3 jobs, barely had time for friendships, str...

This is for my best friend... She walks through life, insecure, plagued by the realities around her. She feels unwanted, unloved, undesired. In a world where women are to be chased and desired, she is left in the cold. She texts him good morning, to which he never responds. She calls him at night, he does not answer. She says "I love you". He responds with "I care about you". She stares into the mirror every morning thinking "Maybe if I do my makeup differently today.....maybe if I change my hair...maybe if I got a nose job....maybe if I had longer eyelashes.....maybe if I had fuller lips.....maybe if I had better eyebrows.....maybe if I lost weight.........maybe if I wasn't fat.....maybe if I was taller..." She remembers him talking about how hot those models were in that magazine, and the actresses on tv. She will never look like them. That is what he wants. Those are the people he compliments. That is what she needs to be. She st...

In life, we're constantly facing the unknown. Not everything is predictable. We walk into so many situations, blind, hoping good things will come out of it. Sometimes it's extremely hard to see the good, when we're constantly overwhelmed by the unexpected. At times I feel like I'm suffocating in new experiences. I try to take it all in, navigating each challenge with careful curiosity. No one really gives you a road map for your emotions. I feel like my 20's have been a giant roller coaster of highs and lows. At times I literally want to laugh and cry at the same time. I stand mute, as the voices in my head scream louder and louder. I'm always so quiet, afraid to speak out. I try to choose my words carefully, testing each one as it projects from my mouth. Adulthood comes with an authority that I've never experienced. I'm almost afraid of it. As a kid, no one trusts anything you say. You're just a rookie. Suddenly, you graduate college and begin yo...

I have come to the realization that I am simply not a usual character. I am very different, unusual, unique if you will. I am plagued with thoughts I am most certain that others do not have. Therefore, I will share with you the things that run through my head throughout my day as well as some of my slightly "abnormal" habits. And I ask you, is that weird? *I am both a night owl and a morning person. I can stay up all night, then wake up cheery and wide eyed. *Most of the time when people laugh, I'm not even trying to be funny, but if people laugh, I make sure to repeat myself to receive maximum laughter. *I spend an absurd amount of time looking up new words and trying to use them in everyday situations and take pride in knowing the definition, and showing people up. *Incorrect grammar gives me a twitch. I die a little inside every time someone speaks incorrectly or has a typo. *Before each court case with my job, I practice everything I am going to say or coul...

Dating can be a challenge, no matter what the age. Today, things are so complicated, whether you're dating, in a relationship, or the ever so popular, "talking". What does that even mean? You're "talking"? So, essentially you're speaking to get to know one another.....so you're friends? Do you hangout? There are so many weird things now that complicate the already complicated notion of getting to know the opposite sex to form some sort of bond and partnership. I've always kind of hated dating for dozens of reasons, mostly because people's intentions are often unclear and situations become so hard to read. Are we hanging out or is this a date? Do I offer to pay? Is he talking to me because he likes me or are we just friends? I've always had a lot of guy friends and form those bonds fairly easily, so it's hard for me to tell the difference in what type of friendship is developing. If people don't say otherwise, I assume we...

This is literally one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I couldn't help but tear up as I watched people describe themselves so hideously, yet when someone else described them, their true beauty was reflected. When do we stop seeing ourselves as we truly are and take on such a negative perception? We are constantly telling children how beautiful they are, making sure we reinforce a good self-esteem, yet as we get older the world tells us something else. Our confidence dwindles and we just feel "ugly". Someone tells us we're beautiful and we instantly cringe at the thought. We do not see what other people see. We stand, looking in the mirror, feeling lost and helpless. We look at ourselves and see long foreheads, huge eyes, fat cheeks, while others see bright eyes, perfectly round cheeks, and beautiful skin. Why is it so hard for us to see our own natural beauty? I watched this video over and over again watching people describe these ...

First, I will start by saying that my maturity level ranges from 12 year old girl to 40 year old cat lady. I'm always extremely childish or such an old lady that people have trouble socializing with me. I live in a land of awkward, where making random sound effects is normal and where old lady sweaters are a thing to celebrate. Having said that, I have a variety of oddball friends who just might share in my hilarity and ridiculous sense of humor that always has my mother shaking her head. Today, we have Brandon to thank. Our entire friendship can be summed up by a string of youtube videos and funny articles we find online. Anymore, it's like a competition for who can find the funnier thing. This time, I believe he won. I like to challenge myself and try to outdo each thing he sends me, but after the free flow of tears, it was clear I could not outdo this one. Instead, I just embraced it, in all of it's awesomeness. He sent me this picture from amazon: To some, thi...

Today's society is becoming more and more advanced. We look to technology for everything. Gone are the days of writing long handed letters or stopping by someone's house just to see if they're home to chat. Now, we text, email, skype, and instant message our friends and family to stay in contact. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. It is becoming so much easier to keep in touch with loved ones who are far away. I often have days when I don't want to talk to people or answer my phone, but a quick text to let them know I'm alive and I'm all set! Along with this abundance of technology for communication, has come a whole new dating world. So many people have found it hard to meet potential partners outside of their normal day to day lives at the work place. Going to bars isn't always an appealing idea. Most of us have tried that route many times and have left disappointed. Let's face it, meeting people is hard. Branching out to something more, we lo...

Every once in a while I find myself caught up in the world and everything seems to be spinning around me so quickly, that I can barely catch my breath. When this happens I often "go off the grid" as I like to call it. I had many times like this in college when the outside world became too much so I shut people out by deactivating my facebook and silencing my phone. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you simply let go of everything that's holding you back. I love helping people and I am all about what people need. Sadly, I let myself get caught up and so absorbed in other people that I often forget to take care of myself. I internalize everything which I know is a HUGE issue. I bottle things up until I'm  ready to explode. I hate sharing things with people, so I've learned my own way of coping. "Going off the grid" is a brilliant strategy I developed for myself to just take time for self reflection. I always seem to learn more about myself e...

Time; life's biggest constraint. It holds us hostage with it's limits. When we have nothing to do it seems that there's so much of it, yet when we're having a good time, there never seems to be enough. Every day is one, giant, revolving clock. Each moment that passes is taken by ticks of the clock. I sit here idly listening to the clock strum its own vigorous melody as I think about how many things I'm missing. I think about the friends I've missed seeing, messages I've failed to answer, paperwork I've not completed, appointments I've never made...so many things to be done and yet, here I sit. I, much like most of the world, am yet another victim of time. I don't know whether I don't have enough of it or if I've just been using it wrong, all along. There's the saying that you should "use your time wisely", but what does that mean? What takes priority? I always have to do lists, but I never know where to begin. I've alwa...

Guilty Pleasures. We all have them. Whether it's a tv show we watch, songs we listen to, or habits we have, we all have those embarrassing things that we just can't get enough of. I seem to have a lot of these things that I'm embarrassed by and often keep to myself, but what's the fun in that? So here's the upfront and embarrassing truth of my own, now guiltless, guilty pleasures. 1. I am obsessed with X-games sports. Today, I watched a Skateboarding tournament for an hour and a half, completely enthralled by the flips and tricks. This is not my first time, cheering on the guys with baggy pants. I ventured into BMX, skateboarding, and roller blade tricks in high school and I just can't get enough. There is something disturbingly attractive about a guy nearly injuring himself to flip a skateboard off a bar, under his feet, and landing perfectly..........it just gets hotter and hotter. I can't even explain it. I could watch Tony Hawk and Ryan Sheckler alll...