The Peculiar World of Online Dating
Today's society is becoming more and more advanced. We look to technology for everything. Gone are the days of writing long handed letters or stopping by someone's house just to see if they're home to chat. Now, we text, email, skype, and instant message our friends and family to stay in contact. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. It is becoming so much easier to keep in touch with loved ones who are far away. I often have days when I don't want to talk to people or answer my phone, but a quick text to let them know I'm alive and I'm all set!
Along with this abundance of technology for communication, has come a whole new dating world. So many people have found it hard to meet potential partners outside of their normal day to day lives at the work place. Going to bars isn't always an appealing idea. Most of us have tried that route many times and have left disappointed. Let's face it, meeting people is hard.
Branching out to something more, we look into this online dating world that has been created to bring people together all over the world. There are so many different sites, each for people who have different desires. Myself, as well as a few of my friends have ventured into this very scary, yet never-the-less entertaining world of "online relationship shopping". While this is completely embarrassing and I always swore I'd NEVER try it, here are my experiences, as well as some from a few friends of mine.
Online dating has taught me this. People are not always honest.
Just like facebook, myspace, twitter, and many other social media sites, you get to create a whole new identity for yourself. You pick out only your very best pictures and often exaggerate details about yourself. You just want to seem perfect in every way possible. You highlight your good qualities, ignoring your faults. You display a happy image of yourself, hoping someone will take interest in you. It makes perfect sense. We do the same thing in real life. When you go out on the town and hit up the bar scene, you don't advertise your negative qualities and you most certainly do not go out unless you're dressed to perfection. The same applies here.
I've tried a couple of different sites over the past year or so. Last year a girl friend of mine got me to join Christian Mingle for a bit. She was having a lot of fun with it and had been on some really good dates. I thought "what do I have to lose?" I didn't drink or party and I was very much a Christian. I won't go into great detail about that experience, but I will say this--most guys on that site were not even Christians. They'd read your profile and feed all of your words right back to you. It was like a game. One guy literally told me he was looking to hook up with someone as beautiful as me. Uhhh really? You thought you could just run around taking the virginity of random Christian girls??? Because that obviously works. I quickly ended that charade and took a hiatus from the online dating world. It wasn't hard to drop it, as I didn't have the time for dates anyway. On the other hand, sometimes it's just nice to talk to someone and have them take a genuine interest in you. Talking to the opposite sex is so much different than talking to a girlfriend. You connect differently and their opinions are so much different than a girls perspective. This is probably why I have so many guy friends. I love their perspective. I feel as though men often give unbiased and sometimes more honest opinions. Granted, this can also be a bad thing when they use their "no filter" conversational approach with women, also referred to as "word vomit".
This year I decided to give online dating another try. I had graduated from college and didn't have much going on in my life. My girl friends were busy with school and I was bored out of my mind!! I thought, why not? This time, I went for a different approach. Many of my friends had been using Match.com and I even knew a few people who had actually met their spouse through this site. It seemed legitimate enough. When I started to create my profile, I thought of all the things about the profiles on Christian Mingle that I hated. People were so dishonest and often "fake happy". They had perfect pictures and were so serious. All I wanted was for my profile to truly reflect who I am. I'm quirky and weird and a bit of a comedian. I just wanted to give myself to my page and be seen for who I am. After all, once we go on a date, there's no hiding how truly strange I am. Who cares if I don't get any dates or if I'm completely ignored? What is the difference between that and my day to day life? Absolutely nothing. So I snapped a few weird pictures of myself and pulled up some old ones of me goofing off, as well as some cute ones and went to work on my profile. I decided to just be real. I started naming my quirks off like a list. I said things like "I talk too much, I cry in traffic, I make weird sound effects for no reason, I'm technologically challenged, etc." Next thing I knew I had filled an entire page of just my oddities. I laughed out how much I'd written and decided to cut some things out and add some positive things at the end. I'm a writer and I'd write a novel if there was space. Next, I filled in all my other stats and education, etc, and clicked save. There it is.
Suddenly I was nervous and wanted to delete it. What was I thinking?! This is stupid. Who wants to say, "Oh, we met online". NOBODY!!! That is soooooo creepy!!! Every time I've ever heard someone say that, my exact response was to freak out on them and picture a really bad lifetime movie in my head. I decided to leave it and move on. It couldn't be that bad right? My friend did point out one of my favorite aspects about the site, "It's like shoe shopping for men!" She was exactly right. It IS LIKE SHOE SHOPPING FOR MEN! God it's fun too. You get a list of daily matches and you scroll through their pictures making fun of the weird ones and gawking at the attractive ones. You get your friends to look with you and suddenly you become a full on stalker. You read their profile over and over again imagining what they may actually be like. And there's sooooo many to choose from! Most of the time I found myself being completely judgmental, rejecting all the ones without pictures or ones with shirtless photos of themselves. I didn't want someone cocky or even someone with a hot body. I wanted someone honest.
After a few days my inbox began to really load up. I was getting soooo many emails and winks, regularly. And shocker? It was all because they thought I was funny. Every single email told me how open and honest I was and how great it was that I was so true to myself. I wasn't even trying to be funny. I just wanted to be real. Sure, I'm not an idiot, I know I'm funny. But GOSH. My favorites were the ones that just simply said "Best. Profile. Ever." The ego boost was incredible.
Now for the not-so-fun part. The actual dating part.
You did the winks, the emailing back and forth, exchanged numbers.
Now here comes the hard part. Dating.
Suddenly you don't know this person at all. They could be a total creep! They could be a serial killer. They could stab you and chop off all your hair. They could STEAL YOUR KIDNEY! Okay, so I'm obviously letting my imagination get the best of me, but it could happen. You never know!
Rest assured, none of those things happened to me. However, some other things did happen to me, as well as some of my friends who used this site as well. Here are some examples of what you may find yourself stuck with.
1. Cold Feet
You are to meet someone for coffee on a chilly spring morning. He texts you the night before to remind you and asks what kind of coffee you like. You've spent the past 2 weeks talking nonstop. Sure, you've been careful not to get too involved, always letting him be the one to text first. You flirt, but don't get overly into it. You're reserved, yet intriguing. He likes you and he added you on facebook. What more could go wrong? Next thing you know, you're sitting on a park bench waiting for the guy to never show up. 45 mintues passes and you stare at your phone wondering what happened. No texts, no missed calls. Nothing. You quickly text him that you're going home, just in case something bad did happen to him. You check your match profile to see that his profile is gone. You check your facebook only to realize he has blocked you. BOOM. You're done. Most humiliating moment of your life. You have no answers at all. Just a text from last night saying "See you in the morning!!" with a smiley face next to it. Suddenly, you can't decide if you're sad and feel pathetic or if you're just angry and want to stab him. Bits of both, really.
2. The Relationship Seeker
You talk to a guy for a while who is a bit older than you, but you're intrigued by how intelligent he is. You find yourself slipping into a more adult role, excited that he finds you so interesting. You're 22, yet he sees you as an adult and respects your ideas. YOu meet up to see a movie. The movie was fantastic!!! Sadly, the date was not. He hates your quirks and continually judges you for them. Not making fun of you in a funny way, but in a way that just makes you feel insulted. He wants to change you and correct all your faults. During the date you spent a lot of time talking and tried to keep on his level. You still think the date is going okay and you'd really like to give him another chance. You get to the parking lot and he keeps his hands in his pockets, ducks his head, and says goodbye. That's it. He doesn't walk you to your car, hug you goodbye, or say anything that suggests another date. It's cool, that happens. However, the next day he texts you because he'd like to go out again. WHAT?!?! How did that just happen? That date was horrible! You think to yourself, "okay, you can do this. First dates aren't perfect, right?" You continue to talk more and more, texting throughout your day and you realize how much of a douchebag this guy really is. It's not that he likes you or wants to be with you. He just wants a relationship! He's 28 and all his friends are married. He needs a girl and you're not atrocious looking. You'll do just fine. Suddenly you feel offended and used and think of all the times he has made fun of your quirks, insulting you and trying to "improve" you, every chance he gets. You quickly end that little charade by no longer responding to his texts and being "busy" every time he asks you to meet up.
3. The No Chemistry Guy
You talk to a guy and immediately hit it off. He's funny and you both keep up witty banter 24-7. He makes you laugh and finds you hilarious. He likes the same music as you and constantly sends you links to new music which you immediately fall in love with. He's funny and charming and knows just what to say. He likes to talk and respects all of your ideas and thoughts. He's just perfect for you! It all seems too good. You like the same movies, music, foods, and he lets you be 100% you. This never happens!! So after talking for a bit, you make it happen. You meet up to hangout, and go to see an action movie. What guy doesn't want to see an action movie?? What guy?? Oh THIS guy! He was so annoyed and kept sighing in the movie theater. Not kidding. He was mad. Suddenly you realized you aren't attracted to him at all. Everything about him was a turn off and you just want to go home. There is zero chemistry there and you want to run for the hills. He walks you back to your car and you quickly say something about having to get up early and dodge into your car. Sure, his feelings were probably hurt, but WHO GRUNTS IN AN ACTION MOVIE?!?! How could he possibly be mad about that??
4. The Non-Committer
You're going through your daily matches and find a guy whose profile LITERALLY made you laugh out loud. He was exactly like you. His pictures were funny and his whole personality just matched yours completely. Next thing you know, you have an email in your inbox from him. Evidently, while you were checking him out, he was checking you out. Again, another fine email telling you how funny and honest you are. Yet this time, he's a keeper. You exchanged numbers and start texting all the time. He adds you on facebook, then next thing you know, you realize you have friends in common!! You immediately ask your friends about each other and get great feedback. You now like him even more. He's cute, plays guitar, makes you laugh, is an ADULT. What else do you need? You talk for a while, but both of you are pretty busy. You keep saying you're going to make plans to meet up. Yet it never happens. Then, all of a sudden, he quits responding completely. He just quits talking. Doesn't delete you or tell you to get lost, just becomes mute. You don't get it. He asked for your number. He always texted you first. He sought you out on facebook. Yet, now he's silent. You ask what happened. No answer. Nothing. Nada. EVER. Months pass and still nothing. You finally delete his number and his facebook. Time to move on. Though not having closure is troublesome and your ego takes a big hit, as you've just scared him off and are left to only imagine what you said that was so wrong.
5. The Sensitive, Serious One
Oh these guys are fun. You email back and forth, begin texting, and quickly make plans to meet up. He's different, cultured. VERY attractive. You're actually still baffled that he's even interested in you. You go out on a date and it's literally perfect. Coffee, movie, then dinner. It lasts SIX HOURS!! Who goes on a first date that is SIX HOURS????? Next thing you know, you fall into a pattern. You go out several more times and find him to be really fun. Although, he's not your type. At all. You like him, but he's just not YOU. You wanted this whole online dating thing to work so you forced it. He compliments you waaaaayyy too much, constantly touches you (despite how opposed you are to it), and he always tells you, you shouldn't be working. INNER FEMINIST IN CHECK! After a month of dating you decide you need to be done. You tell him goodbye, yet he doesn't go away. He texts you and calls you and hangs around as if you're going to change you're mind! He likes every single one of the pictures you post on instagram seconds after you post it. Thank God you had the good sense not to give him your address!! Next thing you know, you see him out at the park while you're working, in which he sits on a park bench and watches you for 2 hours, never looking away. CREEP ALERT. You know he is ultimately harmless and is just a super sensitive guy, yet you can't help but be a little paranoid when it comes to him..
Well there you have it. Online dating in a nutshell. Or a really long ridiculous blog. Whichever.
I'm not opposed to the online dating world and it has certainly taught me a lot about myself and my fellow friends who have ventured into this very peculiar way of life. We've all had some good experiences and some bad ones. Dating is hard, no matter how you do it. I hope I've shed some light on this very embarrassing, yet natural subject. We've all wondered about it. The propensity of dating is to explore each and every form. Online dating makes blind dates easier, because you have a little more information to go on. I wish you all well and that you've had or will have better experiences than me. (:
Along with this abundance of technology for communication, has come a whole new dating world. So many people have found it hard to meet potential partners outside of their normal day to day lives at the work place. Going to bars isn't always an appealing idea. Most of us have tried that route many times and have left disappointed. Let's face it, meeting people is hard.
Branching out to something more, we look into this online dating world that has been created to bring people together all over the world. There are so many different sites, each for people who have different desires. Myself, as well as a few of my friends have ventured into this very scary, yet never-the-less entertaining world of "online relationship shopping". While this is completely embarrassing and I always swore I'd NEVER try it, here are my experiences, as well as some from a few friends of mine.
Online dating has taught me this. People are not always honest.
Just like facebook, myspace, twitter, and many other social media sites, you get to create a whole new identity for yourself. You pick out only your very best pictures and often exaggerate details about yourself. You just want to seem perfect in every way possible. You highlight your good qualities, ignoring your faults. You display a happy image of yourself, hoping someone will take interest in you. It makes perfect sense. We do the same thing in real life. When you go out on the town and hit up the bar scene, you don't advertise your negative qualities and you most certainly do not go out unless you're dressed to perfection. The same applies here.
I've tried a couple of different sites over the past year or so. Last year a girl friend of mine got me to join Christian Mingle for a bit. She was having a lot of fun with it and had been on some really good dates. I thought "what do I have to lose?" I didn't drink or party and I was very much a Christian. I won't go into great detail about that experience, but I will say this--most guys on that site were not even Christians. They'd read your profile and feed all of your words right back to you. It was like a game. One guy literally told me he was looking to hook up with someone as beautiful as me. Uhhh really? You thought you could just run around taking the virginity of random Christian girls??? Because that obviously works. I quickly ended that charade and took a hiatus from the online dating world. It wasn't hard to drop it, as I didn't have the time for dates anyway. On the other hand, sometimes it's just nice to talk to someone and have them take a genuine interest in you. Talking to the opposite sex is so much different than talking to a girlfriend. You connect differently and their opinions are so much different than a girls perspective. This is probably why I have so many guy friends. I love their perspective. I feel as though men often give unbiased and sometimes more honest opinions. Granted, this can also be a bad thing when they use their "no filter" conversational approach with women, also referred to as "word vomit".
This year I decided to give online dating another try. I had graduated from college and didn't have much going on in my life. My girl friends were busy with school and I was bored out of my mind!! I thought, why not? This time, I went for a different approach. Many of my friends had been using Match.com and I even knew a few people who had actually met their spouse through this site. It seemed legitimate enough. When I started to create my profile, I thought of all the things about the profiles on Christian Mingle that I hated. People were so dishonest and often "fake happy". They had perfect pictures and were so serious. All I wanted was for my profile to truly reflect who I am. I'm quirky and weird and a bit of a comedian. I just wanted to give myself to my page and be seen for who I am. After all, once we go on a date, there's no hiding how truly strange I am. Who cares if I don't get any dates or if I'm completely ignored? What is the difference between that and my day to day life? Absolutely nothing. So I snapped a few weird pictures of myself and pulled up some old ones of me goofing off, as well as some cute ones and went to work on my profile. I decided to just be real. I started naming my quirks off like a list. I said things like "I talk too much, I cry in traffic, I make weird sound effects for no reason, I'm technologically challenged, etc." Next thing I knew I had filled an entire page of just my oddities. I laughed out how much I'd written and decided to cut some things out and add some positive things at the end. I'm a writer and I'd write a novel if there was space. Next, I filled in all my other stats and education, etc, and clicked save. There it is.
Suddenly I was nervous and wanted to delete it. What was I thinking?! This is stupid. Who wants to say, "Oh, we met online". NOBODY!!! That is soooooo creepy!!! Every time I've ever heard someone say that, my exact response was to freak out on them and picture a really bad lifetime movie in my head. I decided to leave it and move on. It couldn't be that bad right? My friend did point out one of my favorite aspects about the site, "It's like shoe shopping for men!" She was exactly right. It IS LIKE SHOE SHOPPING FOR MEN! God it's fun too. You get a list of daily matches and you scroll through their pictures making fun of the weird ones and gawking at the attractive ones. You get your friends to look with you and suddenly you become a full on stalker. You read their profile over and over again imagining what they may actually be like. And there's sooooo many to choose from! Most of the time I found myself being completely judgmental, rejecting all the ones without pictures or ones with shirtless photos of themselves. I didn't want someone cocky or even someone with a hot body. I wanted someone honest.
After a few days my inbox began to really load up. I was getting soooo many emails and winks, regularly. And shocker? It was all because they thought I was funny. Every single email told me how open and honest I was and how great it was that I was so true to myself. I wasn't even trying to be funny. I just wanted to be real. Sure, I'm not an idiot, I know I'm funny. But GOSH. My favorites were the ones that just simply said "Best. Profile. Ever." The ego boost was incredible.
Now for the not-so-fun part. The actual dating part.
You did the winks, the emailing back and forth, exchanged numbers.
Now here comes the hard part. Dating.
Suddenly you don't know this person at all. They could be a total creep! They could be a serial killer. They could stab you and chop off all your hair. They could STEAL YOUR KIDNEY! Okay, so I'm obviously letting my imagination get the best of me, but it could happen. You never know!
Rest assured, none of those things happened to me. However, some other things did happen to me, as well as some of my friends who used this site as well. Here are some examples of what you may find yourself stuck with.
1. Cold Feet
You are to meet someone for coffee on a chilly spring morning. He texts you the night before to remind you and asks what kind of coffee you like. You've spent the past 2 weeks talking nonstop. Sure, you've been careful not to get too involved, always letting him be the one to text first. You flirt, but don't get overly into it. You're reserved, yet intriguing. He likes you and he added you on facebook. What more could go wrong? Next thing you know, you're sitting on a park bench waiting for the guy to never show up. 45 mintues passes and you stare at your phone wondering what happened. No texts, no missed calls. Nothing. You quickly text him that you're going home, just in case something bad did happen to him. You check your match profile to see that his profile is gone. You check your facebook only to realize he has blocked you. BOOM. You're done. Most humiliating moment of your life. You have no answers at all. Just a text from last night saying "See you in the morning!!" with a smiley face next to it. Suddenly, you can't decide if you're sad and feel pathetic or if you're just angry and want to stab him. Bits of both, really.
2. The Relationship Seeker
You talk to a guy for a while who is a bit older than you, but you're intrigued by how intelligent he is. You find yourself slipping into a more adult role, excited that he finds you so interesting. You're 22, yet he sees you as an adult and respects your ideas. YOu meet up to see a movie. The movie was fantastic!!! Sadly, the date was not. He hates your quirks and continually judges you for them. Not making fun of you in a funny way, but in a way that just makes you feel insulted. He wants to change you and correct all your faults. During the date you spent a lot of time talking and tried to keep on his level. You still think the date is going okay and you'd really like to give him another chance. You get to the parking lot and he keeps his hands in his pockets, ducks his head, and says goodbye. That's it. He doesn't walk you to your car, hug you goodbye, or say anything that suggests another date. It's cool, that happens. However, the next day he texts you because he'd like to go out again. WHAT?!?! How did that just happen? That date was horrible! You think to yourself, "okay, you can do this. First dates aren't perfect, right?" You continue to talk more and more, texting throughout your day and you realize how much of a douchebag this guy really is. It's not that he likes you or wants to be with you. He just wants a relationship! He's 28 and all his friends are married. He needs a girl and you're not atrocious looking. You'll do just fine. Suddenly you feel offended and used and think of all the times he has made fun of your quirks, insulting you and trying to "improve" you, every chance he gets. You quickly end that little charade by no longer responding to his texts and being "busy" every time he asks you to meet up.
3. The No Chemistry Guy
You talk to a guy and immediately hit it off. He's funny and you both keep up witty banter 24-7. He makes you laugh and finds you hilarious. He likes the same music as you and constantly sends you links to new music which you immediately fall in love with. He's funny and charming and knows just what to say. He likes to talk and respects all of your ideas and thoughts. He's just perfect for you! It all seems too good. You like the same movies, music, foods, and he lets you be 100% you. This never happens!! So after talking for a bit, you make it happen. You meet up to hangout, and go to see an action movie. What guy doesn't want to see an action movie?? What guy?? Oh THIS guy! He was so annoyed and kept sighing in the movie theater. Not kidding. He was mad. Suddenly you realized you aren't attracted to him at all. Everything about him was a turn off and you just want to go home. There is zero chemistry there and you want to run for the hills. He walks you back to your car and you quickly say something about having to get up early and dodge into your car. Sure, his feelings were probably hurt, but WHO GRUNTS IN AN ACTION MOVIE?!?! How could he possibly be mad about that??
4. The Non-Committer
You're going through your daily matches and find a guy whose profile LITERALLY made you laugh out loud. He was exactly like you. His pictures were funny and his whole personality just matched yours completely. Next thing you know, you have an email in your inbox from him. Evidently, while you were checking him out, he was checking you out. Again, another fine email telling you how funny and honest you are. Yet this time, he's a keeper. You exchanged numbers and start texting all the time. He adds you on facebook, then next thing you know, you realize you have friends in common!! You immediately ask your friends about each other and get great feedback. You now like him even more. He's cute, plays guitar, makes you laugh, is an ADULT. What else do you need? You talk for a while, but both of you are pretty busy. You keep saying you're going to make plans to meet up. Yet it never happens. Then, all of a sudden, he quits responding completely. He just quits talking. Doesn't delete you or tell you to get lost, just becomes mute. You don't get it. He asked for your number. He always texted you first. He sought you out on facebook. Yet, now he's silent. You ask what happened. No answer. Nothing. Nada. EVER. Months pass and still nothing. You finally delete his number and his facebook. Time to move on. Though not having closure is troublesome and your ego takes a big hit, as you've just scared him off and are left to only imagine what you said that was so wrong.
5. The Sensitive, Serious One
Oh these guys are fun. You email back and forth, begin texting, and quickly make plans to meet up. He's different, cultured. VERY attractive. You're actually still baffled that he's even interested in you. You go out on a date and it's literally perfect. Coffee, movie, then dinner. It lasts SIX HOURS!! Who goes on a first date that is SIX HOURS????? Next thing you know, you fall into a pattern. You go out several more times and find him to be really fun. Although, he's not your type. At all. You like him, but he's just not YOU. You wanted this whole online dating thing to work so you forced it. He compliments you waaaaayyy too much, constantly touches you (despite how opposed you are to it), and he always tells you, you shouldn't be working. INNER FEMINIST IN CHECK! After a month of dating you decide you need to be done. You tell him goodbye, yet he doesn't go away. He texts you and calls you and hangs around as if you're going to change you're mind! He likes every single one of the pictures you post on instagram seconds after you post it. Thank God you had the good sense not to give him your address!! Next thing you know, you see him out at the park while you're working, in which he sits on a park bench and watches you for 2 hours, never looking away. CREEP ALERT. You know he is ultimately harmless and is just a super sensitive guy, yet you can't help but be a little paranoid when it comes to him..
Well there you have it. Online dating in a nutshell. Or a really long ridiculous blog. Whichever.
I'm not opposed to the online dating world and it has certainly taught me a lot about myself and my fellow friends who have ventured into this very peculiar way of life. We've all had some good experiences and some bad ones. Dating is hard, no matter how you do it. I hope I've shed some light on this very embarrassing, yet natural subject. We've all wondered about it. The propensity of dating is to explore each and every form. Online dating makes blind dates easier, because you have a little more information to go on. I wish you all well and that you've had or will have better experiences than me. (:
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