The long road to Singlehood
Optimism and Desperation are 2 extraordinarily different things, just as being lonely and alone are very different.
Optimism gives us the hope that something good will come in our future, so we wait for it, and pray it's what we've always wanted.
Desperation is when we're eagerly seeking ANYTHING to fulfill even a small portion of our needs. We reach out, ready to grasp on to the first thing that comes our way, becoming like leeches.
There's some huge misconception that because you're not dating, haven't dated, currently single, or have been single most of (okay, all) of your life, that somehow you're not happy. That being single makes you a one eyed creature. You're obviously completely lonely or SOMETHING has to be wrong with you.
This is the only explanation people seem to have for singlehood. It couldn't possibly be that you're waiting for the right time in your life or that you have too much going on or that you're just simply not ready....
Being a 22 year old girl, I hear the question "Do you have a boyfriend?" quite often. In fact, EVERY TIME I go home, someone from my church or community seems to ask this question. I graduated high school, moved out, went to college, and now I have a job. I get it. It only seems natural what would come next. But this question annoys me for more reason than one.
Why is it not acceptable to be single or not date?
Why has society filled us with the idea that we have to be in a relationship so quickly?
I've always felt like I've been depriving people of something by being single.
As if my life just hasn't been complete without a man by my side.
As if everything I've done in my life has meant nothing, because I didn't have someone to share it with.
Well I'm calling it, kids.
I'm calling BOLOGNA!!!
Dating is hard. Frustrating. Complicated. Irritating. It often leads to nothing but heartache anyway. I'm not swearing off dating or gonna run away and become a nun. I'm just saying that the pressure we put on people to find someone is ridiculous.
Why do we even care?
Even I'm not oblivious to the fact that we're absorbed in other people's relationships just as much as our own. Sure, I love a good love story and I often "like" people's engagement photos on facebook, but when do we stop looking for someone to cling to? Are we really even meeting our own standards, or are we just choosing to be with someone because that is what society has taught us?
It's no secret that I haven't really dated (at least not until this year).
In high school I seriously did not see the point.
In church, we learned that you date to find the person you're going to marry.
I 100% agree!
How could I possibly give my heart and soul over to someone when I didn't even know who I was or what I stood for?
Every time a friend of mine has issues with their significant other, I remind them that they chose this. They picked their partner. Either you're all in or you give up. Those are your choices. When a relationship falls apart, it's on both people. Sometimes things just don't fit. Not all relationships are going to last. People need time to find themselves and figure out what they want and need out of life. Don't you think your relationship would have a better chance if you both knew where you stood?
I have some friends who have suffered through the same issues in every one of their relationships. I tell them time and time again to give it time and then watch them dive right in to another failed relationship. Why? Why do we cling to the idea that we can't be alone?
Frankly, I love being alone. I like having my own space and being able to make my own decisions. Sure, having someone to share my day with and support me would be nice, but not overly necessary at this point.
I've attempted dating a bit since March--not going so well, but not a total bust either. I've been on some pretty interesting dates and I've got some pretty funny stories out of it. Each guy was different and taught me something along the way. With each venture, I learn something new about myself. Learning is good. Dating can be good too, but only when done for the right reasons.
So I'll leave you with this,
being single is OKAY.You're not a freak and you're not going to die alone. It just simply isn't your time.
Take chances every once in a while, go on some dates, but don't put pressure on it to immediately become a relationship. Relationships take time to build up, just as friendships do. Haven't you ever heard that friends make the best relationships? It's true. Find a friend, a BEST friend. Let yourself slowly become bonded and the rest will fall into place, or it won't. Either way, you're much safer doing that than being so desperate for attention from the opposite sex.
Take time for yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Relax. Take your time.
Remember that intimacy isn't everything. Each thing is monumental, even the slightest touch like a hand grazed across your knuckles at dinner or a knee bump at the table. Take in each and every part. Let it soak in. Don't rush because you're trying to keep up with what the media has taught you.
Slow it down. Be cool. Optimism is good. There IS someone out there for you and you WILL find them. Until then, just relax and enjoy the ride. Don't get desperate or feel lonely. Instead, embrace it. Be pleased with the fact that you can take up your entire bed. Get excited that you don't have to wear makeup on the weekends! Heck, you don't even have to shower!! Live it. Enjoy it. The rest will come later. (:
Optimism gives us the hope that something good will come in our future, so we wait for it, and pray it's what we've always wanted.
Desperation is when we're eagerly seeking ANYTHING to fulfill even a small portion of our needs. We reach out, ready to grasp on to the first thing that comes our way, becoming like leeches.
There's some huge misconception that because you're not dating, haven't dated, currently single, or have been single most of (okay, all) of your life, that somehow you're not happy. That being single makes you a one eyed creature. You're obviously completely lonely or SOMETHING has to be wrong with you.
This is the only explanation people seem to have for singlehood. It couldn't possibly be that you're waiting for the right time in your life or that you have too much going on or that you're just simply not ready....
Being a 22 year old girl, I hear the question "Do you have a boyfriend?" quite often. In fact, EVERY TIME I go home, someone from my church or community seems to ask this question. I graduated high school, moved out, went to college, and now I have a job. I get it. It only seems natural what would come next. But this question annoys me for more reason than one.
Why is it not acceptable to be single or not date?
Why has society filled us with the idea that we have to be in a relationship so quickly?
I've always felt like I've been depriving people of something by being single.
As if my life just hasn't been complete without a man by my side.
As if everything I've done in my life has meant nothing, because I didn't have someone to share it with.
Well I'm calling it, kids.
I'm calling BOLOGNA!!!
Dating is hard. Frustrating. Complicated. Irritating. It often leads to nothing but heartache anyway. I'm not swearing off dating or gonna run away and become a nun. I'm just saying that the pressure we put on people to find someone is ridiculous.
Why do we even care?
Even I'm not oblivious to the fact that we're absorbed in other people's relationships just as much as our own. Sure, I love a good love story and I often "like" people's engagement photos on facebook, but when do we stop looking for someone to cling to? Are we really even meeting our own standards, or are we just choosing to be with someone because that is what society has taught us?
It's no secret that I haven't really dated (at least not until this year).
In high school I seriously did not see the point.
In church, we learned that you date to find the person you're going to marry.
I 100% agree!
How could I possibly give my heart and soul over to someone when I didn't even know who I was or what I stood for?
Every time a friend of mine has issues with their significant other, I remind them that they chose this. They picked their partner. Either you're all in or you give up. Those are your choices. When a relationship falls apart, it's on both people. Sometimes things just don't fit. Not all relationships are going to last. People need time to find themselves and figure out what they want and need out of life. Don't you think your relationship would have a better chance if you both knew where you stood?
I have some friends who have suffered through the same issues in every one of their relationships. I tell them time and time again to give it time and then watch them dive right in to another failed relationship. Why? Why do we cling to the idea that we can't be alone?
Frankly, I love being alone. I like having my own space and being able to make my own decisions. Sure, having someone to share my day with and support me would be nice, but not overly necessary at this point.
I've attempted dating a bit since March--not going so well, but not a total bust either. I've been on some pretty interesting dates and I've got some pretty funny stories out of it. Each guy was different and taught me something along the way. With each venture, I learn something new about myself. Learning is good. Dating can be good too, but only when done for the right reasons.
So I'll leave you with this,
being single is OKAY.You're not a freak and you're not going to die alone. It just simply isn't your time.
Take chances every once in a while, go on some dates, but don't put pressure on it to immediately become a relationship. Relationships take time to build up, just as friendships do. Haven't you ever heard that friends make the best relationships? It's true. Find a friend, a BEST friend. Let yourself slowly become bonded and the rest will fall into place, or it won't. Either way, you're much safer doing that than being so desperate for attention from the opposite sex.
Take time for yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Relax. Take your time.
Remember that intimacy isn't everything. Each thing is monumental, even the slightest touch like a hand grazed across your knuckles at dinner or a knee bump at the table. Take in each and every part. Let it soak in. Don't rush because you're trying to keep up with what the media has taught you.
Slow it down. Be cool. Optimism is good. There IS someone out there for you and you WILL find them. Until then, just relax and enjoy the ride. Don't get desperate or feel lonely. Instead, embrace it. Be pleased with the fact that you can take up your entire bed. Get excited that you don't have to wear makeup on the weekends! Heck, you don't even have to shower!! Live it. Enjoy it. The rest will come later. (:
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