Feminist does not equal "Man Hater"
Feminist: someone who advocates political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to those of men.
I've spent many hours trying to explain this very subject to people and I still get nowhere. Whether it be a guy that I am arguing with or even my own girl friends, people seem to be 100% confused about what it actually means to be a feminist.
I wish there were an easy explanation, a quip of a few words that I could spat out at people so they'd literally understand it instantly. The best version I have of that is this:
EQUALITY.
That's it, people. It all comes down to equality.
When I say I am a "feminist" or that I share feminist values, it does not mean that I believe I am superior to men or that I'm a lesbian (those are huge misconceptions). It simply means that I believe in equal rights for everyone.
The same goes for different races. I believe that women should have equal rights to men just as I believe that blacks should have equal rights to whites. It's all the same concept. Equality.
I cannot even begin to express how frustrated I am to have to constantly defend myself for labeling myself as a feminist. Of course, at first, I did not label myself. Other people did that for me. I didn't really date in high school or college and I was pretty self-sufficient. This caused so many of my friends to jokingly call me a feminist. At first, I was offended. Like many of you, I shared those misconceptions about what feminism actually meant. I didn't believe I was better than a man, I just knew that I wasn't helpless and that I could do anything I put my mind to.
During my childhood I watched my parents split the workload 50/50. Whether it be driving carpool, cooking, cleaning, or helping us with our homework, my parents took turns with it all. My mom even taught me how to check the oil in my car and change a tire. There were no male/female roles in our household. My mom was just as capable at helping me do things as my dad was. Now, there were certainly things my mom could that my dad couldn't and vice versa. This is normal. Obviously not everyone can do EVERYTHING. Mom was better at english and reading, dad was better at math and technology. So mom would help me with my grammar and writing, dad would help me with math and anything computer related. Both parents taught me how to play sports, cook, and basic life skills. I grew up truly believing women were equal to men, much to my surprise, the world does not work like that.
When I entered college I realized that the world was a vastly different place than I was lead to believe. I went to a very small school and lived in a small town. I ignored 95% of the boys in my high school and never cared to pay much attention to how they treated others. Mostly because it was HIGH SCHOOL. Nobody has it right when you're a teenager.
In college, I watched how my professors reacted differently toward men and women. For instance, while I was at OCC, I took a bunch of criminology classes to fulfill my elective credits. I got down to my last semester to get my associates and only needed electives so I loaded up and added a minor. Unfortunately, those classes were taught by an ex-cop and two current policeman. I'm not discriminating against the police in any way and I respect what they do. However, there is a difference in professors who studied criminology to teach it and those who are among the police force. Biggest difference? Sexism.
This may not be true for EVERY police officer you see, however, it was true for these 3. Criminology or criminal justice was not very popular amongst females, so naturally, I was one of like 3 girls in all of these classes and definitely the girliest. One of them was gay and always sat with a pack of boys, the other sat in the back of the classroom texting. So, that left me--the lonely, opinionated girl in the front.
In my juvenile delinquency class my professor always made a point to ask me questions by saying "what does the female think about this"?
Really? I'm just a "female"?
How can you possibly not get upset by that? This was always so disheartening to me. It did not matter how much I detested what he said or how many times I told him I did not appreciate his blatant misogyny. I was NEVER going to win in that classroom. To make matters worse, a guy I had (briefly) dated, was in that class and sat right behind me snickering the entire time. I remember him begging me to go back out with him when the semester began......I may have even considered it, had I not felt the urge to punch him in the throat in that class every day. He knew that stuff was upsetting me, but went along with the crowd. Never once did he defend me, nor any other guy in that classroom.
I sat through that an ENTIRE semester. The other classes were not as bad, but I could always tell that my opinion did not count and most of the time if I raised my hand to ask a question, I was ignored.
Now how can I possibly go through that without being angry?
Some girls can sit quietly and take it. That's fine. I get it. But I am not one of those girls and I never will be. I have too much self respect.
I've spent so many years protesting the fact that men objectify women, often modifying my own outfits, so as to not draw attention to myself. Unfortunately for me, I am extraordinarily busty and no matter how high my shirt goes, I'll always have a chest, and it will always be noticeable. I have suffered through an absurd amount of comments on my breasts, which is probably a good 70% of the reasons why I did not date in high school. I got to a point where I was literally wearing nothing but baggy shirts to hide my chest. I've even looked into having surgery!! But is it my fault that men [boys] make comments? Am I somehow to blame for all of this absurdity?
My number 1 pet peeve is "cat calling". When did it suddenly become okay for someone to not only check out every inch of your body, but comment on it by screaming at you in the street??? Is that supposed to be flattering?? Some girls may like the attention, but seriously, that is so creepy!!
What ever happened to compliments on who we are as a person? Are looks everything? Why can't you say that I'm smart or funny? I'm an intellectual, not just a body. I have feelings and a brain. Hard thing to grasp, I know.
There are so many men out there that just see women as emotional beings with nice bodies. I keep reading romance novels and watching romantic comedies where the women are all portrayed to be neurotic, emotional, people who are very attractive and vulnerable. Everything women do is dismissed due to her emotions. Like all women are just a pile of kleenex and you must treat them like egg shells that are going to crack at any second.
Sure, we may be emotional at times, but men have emotions too. While women may express theirs in a more somber way, men tend to get angry more easily and can host a lot of aggression or hostility. That's a fact!! It's no secret that men and women are different, but are women's opinions really less important than a man's? Are her words somehow less important because she may be driven by her emotions?
I remember getting into an argument with a guy friend about something and the minute I started to raise my voice, he asked if I was PMS'ing. I was not.
It took every ounce of restraint I had to keep from literally knocking the hell out of him. PMS?!?! So automatically because I disagreed with him on something, I'm now not in my "right state of mind" and I must be going through something painful. That's his only explanation.
The more he spoke, the more I wanted to strangle the life out of him. First of all, yes, PMS'ing sucks. Yes, sometimes us women get a little crazy during it. (You try cramping for a week straight while bloating and tell me how you feel!) Regardless, that comment was completely uncalled for. He dismissed me, just as women get dismissed on many things. Women are passed over for men so many times and it simply isn't fair. Are we not capable?
The idea of feminism is that women should be given the same opportunities and the same rights as men. Women deserve an education and careers. They deserve to be able to go out and achieve whatever it is that they dream up.
Feminists are not lesbians or man haters. Feminists are women AND men who believe that women should be treated as equals.
My friends all think that I'm a "man hater", because I haven't dated much and because I'm single.
That's not even close to true.
I have crushes. I like men. I've dreamed up my perfect man and have ideas of a wedding someday.
The only difference is, I dreamed of an equal partnership. Someone who will not only listen to what I have to say, but respect it and take a true interest in my values. Someone who doesn't just compliment me on my outward appearance, but who truly knows me inside and out. Someone who wants to have serious, intellectual conversations. Someone who values my ideas and truly sees me as an equal.
My biggest hope is that more men will take up for feminism and start standing up for women. There are so many ways that can be achieved. Defend women when men are objectifying them, screaming out on the street. Don't let professors talk down to a girl, simply because he can. Don't dismiss her ideas because she is driven by emotions. DON'T EVER ASK if she's PMS'ing!!
Be relative. Be fair. Fight for equal rights. (:
(This is much more of a rant than I'd intended...my deepest apologies)
I've spent many hours trying to explain this very subject to people and I still get nowhere. Whether it be a guy that I am arguing with or even my own girl friends, people seem to be 100% confused about what it actually means to be a feminist.
I wish there were an easy explanation, a quip of a few words that I could spat out at people so they'd literally understand it instantly. The best version I have of that is this:
EQUALITY.
That's it, people. It all comes down to equality.
When I say I am a "feminist" or that I share feminist values, it does not mean that I believe I am superior to men or that I'm a lesbian (those are huge misconceptions). It simply means that I believe in equal rights for everyone.
The same goes for different races. I believe that women should have equal rights to men just as I believe that blacks should have equal rights to whites. It's all the same concept. Equality.
I cannot even begin to express how frustrated I am to have to constantly defend myself for labeling myself as a feminist. Of course, at first, I did not label myself. Other people did that for me. I didn't really date in high school or college and I was pretty self-sufficient. This caused so many of my friends to jokingly call me a feminist. At first, I was offended. Like many of you, I shared those misconceptions about what feminism actually meant. I didn't believe I was better than a man, I just knew that I wasn't helpless and that I could do anything I put my mind to.
During my childhood I watched my parents split the workload 50/50. Whether it be driving carpool, cooking, cleaning, or helping us with our homework, my parents took turns with it all. My mom even taught me how to check the oil in my car and change a tire. There were no male/female roles in our household. My mom was just as capable at helping me do things as my dad was. Now, there were certainly things my mom could that my dad couldn't and vice versa. This is normal. Obviously not everyone can do EVERYTHING. Mom was better at english and reading, dad was better at math and technology. So mom would help me with my grammar and writing, dad would help me with math and anything computer related. Both parents taught me how to play sports, cook, and basic life skills. I grew up truly believing women were equal to men, much to my surprise, the world does not work like that.
When I entered college I realized that the world was a vastly different place than I was lead to believe. I went to a very small school and lived in a small town. I ignored 95% of the boys in my high school and never cared to pay much attention to how they treated others. Mostly because it was HIGH SCHOOL. Nobody has it right when you're a teenager.
In college, I watched how my professors reacted differently toward men and women. For instance, while I was at OCC, I took a bunch of criminology classes to fulfill my elective credits. I got down to my last semester to get my associates and only needed electives so I loaded up and added a minor. Unfortunately, those classes were taught by an ex-cop and two current policeman. I'm not discriminating against the police in any way and I respect what they do. However, there is a difference in professors who studied criminology to teach it and those who are among the police force. Biggest difference? Sexism.
This may not be true for EVERY police officer you see, however, it was true for these 3. Criminology or criminal justice was not very popular amongst females, so naturally, I was one of like 3 girls in all of these classes and definitely the girliest. One of them was gay and always sat with a pack of boys, the other sat in the back of the classroom texting. So, that left me--the lonely, opinionated girl in the front.
In my juvenile delinquency class my professor always made a point to ask me questions by saying "what does the female think about this"?
Really? I'm just a "female"?
How can you possibly not get upset by that? This was always so disheartening to me. It did not matter how much I detested what he said or how many times I told him I did not appreciate his blatant misogyny. I was NEVER going to win in that classroom. To make matters worse, a guy I had (briefly) dated, was in that class and sat right behind me snickering the entire time. I remember him begging me to go back out with him when the semester began......I may have even considered it, had I not felt the urge to punch him in the throat in that class every day. He knew that stuff was upsetting me, but went along with the crowd. Never once did he defend me, nor any other guy in that classroom.
I sat through that an ENTIRE semester. The other classes were not as bad, but I could always tell that my opinion did not count and most of the time if I raised my hand to ask a question, I was ignored.
Now how can I possibly go through that without being angry?
Some girls can sit quietly and take it. That's fine. I get it. But I am not one of those girls and I never will be. I have too much self respect.
I've spent so many years protesting the fact that men objectify women, often modifying my own outfits, so as to not draw attention to myself. Unfortunately for me, I am extraordinarily busty and no matter how high my shirt goes, I'll always have a chest, and it will always be noticeable. I have suffered through an absurd amount of comments on my breasts, which is probably a good 70% of the reasons why I did not date in high school. I got to a point where I was literally wearing nothing but baggy shirts to hide my chest. I've even looked into having surgery!! But is it my fault that men [boys] make comments? Am I somehow to blame for all of this absurdity?
My number 1 pet peeve is "cat calling". When did it suddenly become okay for someone to not only check out every inch of your body, but comment on it by screaming at you in the street??? Is that supposed to be flattering?? Some girls may like the attention, but seriously, that is so creepy!!
What ever happened to compliments on who we are as a person? Are looks everything? Why can't you say that I'm smart or funny? I'm an intellectual, not just a body. I have feelings and a brain. Hard thing to grasp, I know.
There are so many men out there that just see women as emotional beings with nice bodies. I keep reading romance novels and watching romantic comedies where the women are all portrayed to be neurotic, emotional, people who are very attractive and vulnerable. Everything women do is dismissed due to her emotions. Like all women are just a pile of kleenex and you must treat them like egg shells that are going to crack at any second.
Sure, we may be emotional at times, but men have emotions too. While women may express theirs in a more somber way, men tend to get angry more easily and can host a lot of aggression or hostility. That's a fact!! It's no secret that men and women are different, but are women's opinions really less important than a man's? Are her words somehow less important because she may be driven by her emotions?
I remember getting into an argument with a guy friend about something and the minute I started to raise my voice, he asked if I was PMS'ing. I was not.
It took every ounce of restraint I had to keep from literally knocking the hell out of him. PMS?!?! So automatically because I disagreed with him on something, I'm now not in my "right state of mind" and I must be going through something painful. That's his only explanation.
The more he spoke, the more I wanted to strangle the life out of him. First of all, yes, PMS'ing sucks. Yes, sometimes us women get a little crazy during it. (You try cramping for a week straight while bloating and tell me how you feel!) Regardless, that comment was completely uncalled for. He dismissed me, just as women get dismissed on many things. Women are passed over for men so many times and it simply isn't fair. Are we not capable?
The idea of feminism is that women should be given the same opportunities and the same rights as men. Women deserve an education and careers. They deserve to be able to go out and achieve whatever it is that they dream up.
Feminists are not lesbians or man haters. Feminists are women AND men who believe that women should be treated as equals.
My friends all think that I'm a "man hater", because I haven't dated much and because I'm single.
That's not even close to true.
I have crushes. I like men. I've dreamed up my perfect man and have ideas of a wedding someday.
The only difference is, I dreamed of an equal partnership. Someone who will not only listen to what I have to say, but respect it and take a true interest in my values. Someone who doesn't just compliment me on my outward appearance, but who truly knows me inside and out. Someone who wants to have serious, intellectual conversations. Someone who values my ideas and truly sees me as an equal.
My biggest hope is that more men will take up for feminism and start standing up for women. There are so many ways that can be achieved. Defend women when men are objectifying them, screaming out on the street. Don't let professors talk down to a girl, simply because he can. Don't dismiss her ideas because she is driven by emotions. DON'T EVER ASK if she's PMS'ing!!
Be relative. Be fair. Fight for equal rights. (:
(This is much more of a rant than I'd intended...my deepest apologies)
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