Collateral Damage
26 letters.
The alphabet has 26 letters, 5 vowels.....26 syllables,
The alphabet has 26 letters, 5 vowels.....26 syllables,
and there still isn't enough variation to form into words a true feeling.
Each word I begin to draw out and plaster on paper to describe a moment,
is rivaled with another emotion, challenging its definition,
knowing it will never fit.
I never fit.
Out of all of the emotions and all the words in the world,
Each word I begin to draw out and plaster on paper to describe a moment,
is rivaled with another emotion, challenging its definition,
knowing it will never fit.
I never fit.
Out of all of the emotions and all the words in the world,
nothing comes close to explaining me.
And that is my life.
I'm simply, unexplainable.
And that is my life.
I'm simply, unexplainable.
Self discovery is a pretty long process, and often pretty intense.
You don't really know what you're going to find,
You don't really know what you're going to find,
or even what you're hoping to find.
People come in and out of your life, nudging you in different directions,
as you try so desperately to figure out what box you're supposed to fit in.
But you never do.
You never find that box.
And sometimes I'm glad.
Sometimes I'm happy I don't fit every label,
or can't be thrown into a box with other words,
and descriptions and people.
I'm glad I can't be grouped into a category,
or explained away with a few sentences.
I'm grateful that I'm complicated.
But you never do.
You never find that box.
And sometimes I'm glad.
Sometimes I'm happy I don't fit every label,
or can't be thrown into a box with other words,
and descriptions and people.
I'm glad I can't be grouped into a category,
or explained away with a few sentences.
I'm grateful that I'm complicated.
But then there are moments when that feeling hits.
The indescribable one.
The one you search the entire English dictionary to be able to describe.
The one that needs to be explained away in order to survive.
The one that eats away at your chest, making it harder to breathe.
That feeling...
this feeling.
There is something so comforting about a person that has a true ability to listen.And not just listen to respond.
Most venting sessions are full of rhetorical questions, anyway.
But listening to understand.It's the people that let you expel every piece of negativity in your life,
and let heavy words crash into them, over and over again,
that validate you in every single way possible.
It's the people that acknowledge you when you're having a moment,
but don't try to swoop in and save you.
But rather, they guide you as you save yourself.
They don't try to be the hero, because they know you are capable.
Instead, they marvel at your strength,
never once judging you for the emotions that pass through you.
Because they understand. Or at least, they're trying to.
But somewhere along your broken path of self discovery,
you get caught up in these people and the emotions.
You get mixed up and can't really tell what you're feeling anymore,
so you cling to the moments when things were okay.
You cling to the easy things,
and take for granted the ears that have always been your loyal sounding boards.
You forget to be thankful, and instead become angry and resentful.
Every day is an active step towards bettering yourself.
As Maya Angelou says,
"You do your best until you know better
Then when you know better, do better."
You've looked for letters and descriptions to put your emotions into words,
so that other people can validate you.
You struggle and you ramble, nonstop,
hoping that one of your open thoughts will FINALLY make sense.
But during this anger and these attempts at validation,
you get swept up in a tornado of emotions,
you get swept up in a tornado of emotions,
and eventually, those sounding boards become collateral damage.
Collateral damage.
That's what friendships and relationships and people become.
They're knocked down in your own fight.
But what you have to tell yourself is,
they can take it.
Collateral damage.
That's what friendships and relationships and people become.
They're knocked down in your own fight.
But what you have to tell yourself is,
they can take it.
They can absolutely take it.
Sure, once you've recognized what happened,
you need to take a step back and insert your apology.
But after that, you let it go.
Because you've got to start thinking like a warrior, not a worrier.
And people insert themselves in our lives for a reason.
Because they care.
They may not continue to care after this,
and they may not speak for a while,
but you just have to accept it.
You may not be wholly lovable, or perfect.
But neither is anyone else.
We all have bad parts to go along with the good.
Embrace it.
Apologize for hurting other people in the wake of your self discovery,
and accept that they cared for you, and loved at least one part of you.
Don't grovel.
Don't feel guilty.
Just let it change you, and move on.
Because you were worth every thing that battle did for you.
You were fighting for yourself,
and the rest doesn't have to be explained.
You are your own hero, today and every single day after this.
Collateral damage isn't something that can always be prevented.
And sometimes, it's stuff that can't be repaired.
You apologize.
You change.
You move forward, and hope to God more sounding boards are following you.
But most of all,
you let yourself be thankful for every single thing that has gone right,
and every single thing that has gone wrong to get you here.
But after that, you let it go.
Because you've got to start thinking like a warrior, not a worrier.
And people insert themselves in our lives for a reason.
Because they care.
They may not continue to care after this,
and they may not speak for a while,
but you just have to accept it.
You may not be wholly lovable, or perfect.
But neither is anyone else.
We all have bad parts to go along with the good.
Embrace it.
Apologize for hurting other people in the wake of your self discovery,
and accept that they cared for you, and loved at least one part of you.
Don't grovel.
Don't feel guilty.
Just let it change you, and move on.
Because you were worth every thing that battle did for you.
You were fighting for yourself,
and the rest doesn't have to be explained.
You are your own hero, today and every single day after this.
Collateral damage isn't something that can always be prevented.
And sometimes, it's stuff that can't be repaired.
You apologize.
You change.
You move forward, and hope to God more sounding boards are following you.
But most of all,
you let yourself be thankful for every single thing that has gone right,
and every single thing that has gone wrong to get you here.
And you start thinking like a warrior,and let go of your inner worrier.
Because that worrier takes you nowhere,
and that warrior will win every battle you'll ever fight.
Because you'll always be your own hero.
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