you get what you get
Every day I go to work, I am reminded that I am not a mother.
I spend countless hours listening to the phrase "Do you have children?" and am immediately struck down when that answer is "no".
It's often followed with an "Are you married?" or "Do you have a boyfriend?".
It's like somehow knowing I am a human being capable of loving another person, makes it easier to do my job- like I'd be better at it.
But you know what?
I spend countless hours listening to the phrase "Do you have children?" and am immediately struck down when that answer is "no".
It's often followed with an "Are you married?" or "Do you have a boyfriend?".
It's like somehow knowing I am a human being capable of loving another person, makes it easier to do my job- like I'd be better at it.
But you know what?
It doesn't.
It doesn't make me better.
Loving someone else. Getting married. Having children.
It does not make me a better person. It doesn't fulfill my life. It doesn't give me some better insight in how to do my job.
I know- you'd like to disagree.
It doesn't make me better.
Loving someone else. Getting married. Having children.
It does not make me a better person. It doesn't fulfill my life. It doesn't give me some better insight in how to do my job.
I know- you'd like to disagree.
You'd like to tell me that I'm wrong and try to play devil's advocate.
But here's why I'm right.
Children are human beings, just like you and me.
They are people- just smaller.
They have needs and desires.
They want love and affection and to be treated right.
They want people to acknowledge them and ask them what they need.
And when they can't ask, they want someone to fight for them.
Seems simple right?
I know I want to be acknowledged, and loved, and fought for.
And I am.
I may not have children of my own or a man to come home to every day, but that doesn't make me incapable of ever having those things, or somehow hinders me in my ability to do my job correctly.
Social work is hard, but some of the best people in it, are, in fact, people who are young and single and don't have children.
I was once sitting with a DCFS veteran who had been working for the department for 25 years. She said her favorite thing about young social workers in their early twenties, like me, was that they have the whole world in front of them. They wake up every morning, and put on their cape because the world is at their feet and they're going to save the day. She said in the beginning, you almost fight harder for the families. You want every wrong to be righted, every family to be fixed, every child to have a happy ending. She said looking in the eyes of a rookie, is her favorite thing because their spirits are so much fuller, they're emotional and loving, and often make some of the biggest differences.
I sat there along with another girl my age and was in absolute awe of this woman and the years of experiences she's had, and all the difference she has made.
It was incredible.
Yet, all she could do was praise the two of us for "charging into the wind".
That's what she called it.
She said people will strike you down for being young, but you don't have to prove anything.
Because, you're already proving it.
You're already a social worker.
I am not a mother.
I am not married.
I am not engaged.
I do not have a boyfriend.
I do not have nephews or nieces.
But I have a family.
I have friends.
My friends have children.
I am a nanny.
I am a babysitter.
I am a sister.
I am a daughter.
I am a friend.
I will fight for anyone worth saving.
Simple as that.
And everyone is worth saving.
People can cast you out and tell you that you're too young, or you don't have enough experience, or tell you that you couldn't understand their situation.
And maybe that's true.
Maybe you are too young.
Too inexperienced.
But how much experience is enough?
When do you start being able to understand someone else's needs?
How do you measure that?
Is it based on maturity? Because that doesn't always come by age.
Is it based on experiences? That's also not measured by age.
So when is it enough?
When am I able to "understand"?
That's the whole issue isn't it?
Understanding.
Or is it judgement?
A parent knows how hard it is to lose a child.
A spouse knows what it's like to fight for someone else.
Is it that I'm judging you?
No.
I do not go to work everyday casting judgement on people, hoping they fail, condemning them for poor parenting.
If that were my objective, I'd pick a different career.
I ask questions, not to be critical, but to gain an understanding.
I go in search of a new perspective to better know how to help.
I fight for everyone that needs fighting for.
Children OR parents, I will fight.
Young or old, experienced or inexperienced it is just like any other career.
You can yell at people for not understanding, but it doesn't make it any easier. You can get mad and ask for someone else, but that doesn't mean anyone else is going to be better.
Because in life, you get what you get.
And what you get,
But here's why I'm right.
Children are human beings, just like you and me.
They are people- just smaller.
They have needs and desires.
They want love and affection and to be treated right.
They want people to acknowledge them and ask them what they need.
And when they can't ask, they want someone to fight for them.
Seems simple right?
I know I want to be acknowledged, and loved, and fought for.
And I am.
I may not have children of my own or a man to come home to every day, but that doesn't make me incapable of ever having those things, or somehow hinders me in my ability to do my job correctly.
Social work is hard, but some of the best people in it, are, in fact, people who are young and single and don't have children.
I was once sitting with a DCFS veteran who had been working for the department for 25 years. She said her favorite thing about young social workers in their early twenties, like me, was that they have the whole world in front of them. They wake up every morning, and put on their cape because the world is at their feet and they're going to save the day. She said in the beginning, you almost fight harder for the families. You want every wrong to be righted, every family to be fixed, every child to have a happy ending. She said looking in the eyes of a rookie, is her favorite thing because their spirits are so much fuller, they're emotional and loving, and often make some of the biggest differences.
I sat there along with another girl my age and was in absolute awe of this woman and the years of experiences she's had, and all the difference she has made.
It was incredible.
Yet, all she could do was praise the two of us for "charging into the wind".
That's what she called it.
She said people will strike you down for being young, but you don't have to prove anything.
Because, you're already proving it.
You're already a social worker.
I am not a mother.
I am not married.
I am not engaged.
I do not have a boyfriend.
I do not have nephews or nieces.
But I have a family.
I have friends.
My friends have children.
I am a nanny.
I am a babysitter.
I am a sister.
I am a daughter.
I am a friend.
I will fight for anyone worth saving.
Simple as that.
And everyone is worth saving.
People can cast you out and tell you that you're too young, or you don't have enough experience, or tell you that you couldn't understand their situation.
And maybe that's true.
Maybe you are too young.
Too inexperienced.
But how much experience is enough?
When do you start being able to understand someone else's needs?
How do you measure that?
Is it based on maturity? Because that doesn't always come by age.
Is it based on experiences? That's also not measured by age.
So when is it enough?
When am I able to "understand"?
That's the whole issue isn't it?
Understanding.
Or is it judgement?
A parent knows how hard it is to lose a child.
A spouse knows what it's like to fight for someone else.
Is it that I'm judging you?
No.
I do not go to work everyday casting judgement on people, hoping they fail, condemning them for poor parenting.
If that were my objective, I'd pick a different career.
I ask questions, not to be critical, but to gain an understanding.
I go in search of a new perspective to better know how to help.
I fight for everyone that needs fighting for.
Children OR parents, I will fight.
Young or old, experienced or inexperienced it is just like any other career.
You can yell at people for not understanding, but it doesn't make it any easier. You can get mad and ask for someone else, but that doesn't mean anyone else is going to be better.
Because in life, you get what you get.
And what you get,
is me.
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