Egalitarianism: Because I'm sexist too

Being a feminist is one of the most challenging and rewarding things I have going in my life.

I remember being in high school and slowly starting to put together my ideas of independence and refusing to date, literally just to make a statement.

I wanted to be seen as a strong individual who didn't follow social norms and date, just to date.

Because, in my mind, dating was reserved for when you really knew what you wanted.

And for me, I wanted to explore the world, and I just didn't see a guy worth the trouble when I was 16.

As I've gotten older, I've struggled with my thoughts on feminism, mixed with my love for a good romance.

That's the hard part about being a female AND being a feminist.

It's like we're hot-wired to love certain things.

I love flowers, cheesy romance music, love letters, holding hands, etc.

I love the beautiful idea of a good love story and being courted.

I love the excitement of meeting a new guy and waiting by my phone.

I love the butterflies I get in my stomach and how my heart skips a beat when he says something adorable.

I love being desired and pursued.

But how can I love such things and ask for independence and equality?

Society tells us that as feminists, loving these things is wrong,
because it doesn't offer independence.

It's almost sexist.

Like how I always call a guy friend when I need help with my car.

I've never changed a tire or jump-started my own car.

I've never carried a mass load of heavy things.

I've never paid for dinner on a date.

Men are often on the receiving end of a sexist world, benefiting from the dominance that has been created. But here I sit, fighting against the oppression, benefiting in my own ways as well.

I was having lunch with friends the other day and we were talking about getting in trouble. 3 people looked at me and said that I am someone who always gets off scott free, due to my quiet demeanor, innocent face, and soft voice.

Naturally, I began to protest and disagree, saying that I do get in trouble.

However, slowly they began to point out instance, after instance where I got out of speeding tickets, work trouble, etc. Mostly, situations that left a man in charge- I was likely to get out of whatever was happening.

And if we're being honest, I have been consciously aware of this ability on a few occasions, and used it to my benefit. Who wouldn't?

Sometimes I think if I can speak quietly and sweetly, it will all be okay....and often times, it is.

But how sexist am I? And I didn't even see it!

That's the problem with our world today.

Men are constantly putting down women, holding dominance over them, and women are completely relying on men for everything- and sometimes shaming them for it.

A few weeks ago I needed my car jump-started, and out of fear of electrocuting myself, I called a male friend (who had done it before) to come and help me. Now if I KNEW a female who was nearby and knew how to do it, I would have called her.

Alas, I was stuck with Andre.

This quickly lead to a whole damsel in distress conversation, making him the knight on a white horse, coming in to save the day. *Insert massive eye roll*

This made me realize that I've become accustomed to the idea that men really do need to save me sometimes. But, that makes me sexist.

It sucks.

Because I want independence and equality.

I want men to listen to my ideas and tell me that I'm right.

I want to change people's opinions about their acceptance of strip clubs and pornography.

I want to change how men react to women who dress provocatively.

I want to be a major feminist,
following in the footsteps of Betty Frieden and Eve Ensler.

But...

I also want to fall in love, be courted, get flowers, get married, have children, be a mother and a wife, take care of my family, and live a normal, loving, egalitarian life. I want to have a strong, manly, confident husband who will teach our daughter that she can do whatever she wants. I want to teach my son that it's okay to be sensitive and he doesn't have to fear being vulnerable. Because I want a world where it's okay for men to be sensitive and women to be strong, and I want a man who can give that world to me. I want love and equality.

The hardest part of all of this, is finding the men in this world who can agree.

The best thing I've encountered with my merciless, opinionated thoughts, is that my dad will stand behind anything I decide.

He quietly cautions me when he thinks my views are going too far, listens when I'm ranting about oppression and how the world needs to change, and he doesn't focus on the fact that I'm 23, single, and will probably not get married for at least 10 years.

He does not worry about me. Instead, he encourages me to fight back.

A man who never used the word feminism, not really recognizing what it really is.

A man who sees me as his sweetheart. A little girl who wore frilly dresses and watched movies about princesses. A cheerleader, a dancer, a singer, and a writer.

He has always seen the girl in me, and when I told him I wanted to pursue a Master's degree in women's studies, he practically applauded me, gleaming with pride.

I've met a few men who have embraced egalitarianism and feminism, and who give way for women's opinions and thoughts.

And let me tell you, as a woman, these men become 10x more attractive on the spot.

They listen as you rant, agree when you're right, caution you when you're going too far, call you out when you're being sexist, and acquiesce when they're proven wrong.

These are the men that we need in the world, and they're the ones I will fall in love with every time.

And I'll probably always be a little bit sexist, and I'll always challenge every man I date to see things my way. But I'll always be a girl, dreaming about love and a fairy tale.

I'm just hoping when it all comes, it's more egalitarianistic than patriarchal.