But you’re so great…you can’t be single.

We all have those friends or peers who look at us and smack us with their bafflement of our relationship status.

Always the, “But you’re so pretty.”
 “So smart.”
 “So….great”.

Somehow we’ve created this notion that because we’re pretty, or smart, or have a good job, a good life, are funny, have a good personality, that we MUST have a significant other.
Because CLEARLY our happiness and success and overall life fulfillment is only accomplished through having a partner who loves us.

And I get it.
I do.
I have a full time job, a college degree, I live on my own, have my own car, and my life is going pretty good. I have all the necessary requirements of “adulthood”, leaving the next natural step to be finding a man to parade on my arm and marry.

But the thing is, I’m not single because I’m not pretty, or I’m not smart, or I’m not funny, or I have a dull personality, or I don’t have a good job, or I’m not successful.

I’m not single because I’m incapable of being with someone or because I’m lacking something someone else would want.

 I listen to those statements all the time.
The constant, “But you’re so great”, and all I can say is, you’re right.
I AM great. I am.
And THAT is precisely while I’m single.

I don’t have the patience or the capacity to date just to date or to force myself into relationships that don’t work or to spend all my time and energy trying to find a man to marry.

 I have other things on my mind.

 I have a job that takes 90% of my attention, Graduate school, plans to move to a new area, friends I enjoy spending time with.
I have so many things happening, and fulfilling your need for my relationship status isn’t one of them.

We grow up thinking we must look for our “other half”, constantly searching, forcing ourselves into relationships that don’t work, trying hard to find our soul mates, and we completely miss the mark.

We’re not halves.
We’re not made up as half a person.

If that were true, we’d pretty much never be able to function throughout our childhoods.

And honestly there is way too much hurt in this world for us to focus on throwing ourselves into relationships, swept up in our fear of being alone.

The thing is, love is messy.
It’s not easy.
It doesn’t come with a protection plan or an extended warranty.
It isn’t always beautiful and it’s never perfect.

Soul mates don’t exist.
When you fall in love, you’re choosing to always accept someone for who they are.
You have to be in a capacity to handle anything, including every flaw your partner has.

When you choose to be with someone, you’re choosing to be okay with their weight, their appearance, the way they cuss too much while watching football, how they act when they’re with their friends, and it’s how they are when they’re broken. 

I can sit here and listen to people yammer on about how wonderful I am and get introduced to single guys like I’m trying to beat a clock, going on dates way too soon after my breakup, trying to fulfill everyone else’s needs, but at the end of the day, I’m okay being single.

I am single because I’m picky, and I’m not willing to date people who love me for my surface.
We are not surface people.
We aren’t just flowers.
We are roots and dirt.
We need more than just sunshine.

I appreciate that people find me too great to be single, but perhaps we should change that compliment to just “You’re great.”

The last guy I dated was picky and calculated. I feel like he almost fought falling in love with me, like he was convinced he shouldn’t because it had been so long since he'd really felt something.
And I felt the same way.
When the right people come along, it will just work.
You won’t have to fight it, it will just happen.

Until then, just know that you’re great.
You’re really, really GREAT.

Life isn't summed up by who you marry or when you meet.
Life is more than just a romantic story.

Life is full of accomplishments and failed attempts at dating and careers.
We can't live on the surface of what fits perfectly in magazines and movies.
Our stories are more than title pages, and not every chapter is going to be a blissful moment.
We're so far from the end of that book.......why rush it?
I wouldn't even know how....

But you're so great, you can't be single.