Dear Jess...


 I may have written this over 2 years ago, but it all still holds true today.
I love you Jessica.

January 8th, 2010


The first night without you was the hardest. It felt wrong. Everything felt fake. As if that didn't really happen. I clung to my cell phone staring at that text message. The text message that told me what happened to you. I clung to it wishing it was wrong. Praying for it to be some stupid prank. I yelled at God. I screamed a lot. I didn't want a hug I didn't want touched. I wanted you. I was so mad at you. Mad at you for going to a stupid party. Mad at you for getting in that car. You have no idea how royally ticked off I was.

That first night I had a dream about you. We were in the mall having all sorts of fun. We even got in trouble for doing things we shouldn't. We spent the day having fun and then you took my hand and told me it was time to go. You took me to this big room and all of your family and friends were there. They were staring at a rectangular box in the front of the room. You told me to go, but I was confused. I walked up to that box and there you were. I didn't understand. I looked back at you, but you waved goodbye and then you were gone.

That was the first of many dreams about you.
There were so many things that I wanted to say, but I couldn't. I was so ticked off that I never got to say goodbye. I never got to tell you I loved you.

So I thought back to the last time that I saw you.
Thursday morning.
I normally get gas at Casey's and then stop in for some chocolate milk, but I didn't need gas that day. I was pulling out of the driveway and just decided that I wanted some chocolate milk even though I didn't need to stop. I went inside thinking it was a waste of money and time, but as soon as I opened the door there you were. Before I could even realize who I was looking at, you were already hugging me. You ran accross the store and jumped on me. You told me you missed me. I told you I missed you too. We said we'd call each other to make plans to hang out. You then proceeded to go on and on about what donut you should get. Then you payed and I got in line behind you. You were walking out the door and I looked at you and said "I love you, Jessica Brown". Those were the last words I ever spoke to you.
I got my goodbye.

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