Your relationship and the price of tea in China
Sometimes I crave noodles, like legit- I just make plain noodles and eat them.
I also have this habit of buying 8 different kinds of juice so that I have plenty of options in the refrigerator. And my dog is this major skeptic. Anytime I give him his flea medication, I have to first eat peanut butter off a spoon, then hide his pill in a second spoonful, to prove that both the spoon and the peanut butter are okay.
I have this irrational fear of touching bloody meat, yet I’d make the worst vegetarian. And sometimes I cry when I’m driving and miss my turn off, simply because I hate having to retrace my steps.
What do all of these things have in common?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!
That’s how I feel life goes. More importantly, that’s how I feel relationships go!
Nothing relates to anything! We have literally NO clue what we’re doing. We just have stacks and stacks of random facts about one another that don’t mean anything. And somehow we try to derive meaning from everything someone says or does. But why? Does the fact that he only showers at night really change the way of your relationship?
Sometimes I think we take facts and personal habits of one another and try to make them about ourselves. We twist the situation and the things that have happened along the way, and make it out into a personal vendetta.
I met this guy back when I was trying the whole “online dating” thing, and it was both the best and worst situation I had with the entire website. We started talking and I started to really like him, but a few months into talking nonstop, he said that he couldn’t have a relationship. Umm are you serious? It turned into a weird friendship and a series of accusations (made by me) about him never having been interested in the first place and using me as someone to kill time. Pretty presumptuous of me, right? I’m SO awesome that he hand-picked me to destroy little by little everyday by instilling false hope.
Or could it simply be that initially when we’d started talking he had every intention of moving forward until certain aspects of his life changed?
If you guessed the latter, you’d be correct.
We always warp things into a perspective that is mostly negative when it comes to our dating partners. We tell ourselves that the reason our significant other is working so much is because they don’t like spending time with us, or they don’t value our relationship. We constantly take a skewed perspective and convince ourselves that everything someone says or does is done directly to hurt us. But how ridiculous is that? Do we really think everyone is out to get us all the time?
A major killer of relationships is the terrible habit of assumption making. Well he didn’t call me back, so he must be mad at me, or she didn’t come to my work function so she must be embarrassed to be seen with me. These are thoughts people literally have, over and over again.
Our dating partners don’t destroy us, we destroy ourselves.
We have this mentality that the world revolves around us. All day long we have our own personal commentary inside our head and we gauge the world in how the world interacts with us. When all along, we should be looking at how we interact with the world.
I also have this habit of buying 8 different kinds of juice so that I have plenty of options in the refrigerator. And my dog is this major skeptic. Anytime I give him his flea medication, I have to first eat peanut butter off a spoon, then hide his pill in a second spoonful, to prove that both the spoon and the peanut butter are okay.
I have this irrational fear of touching bloody meat, yet I’d make the worst vegetarian. And sometimes I cry when I’m driving and miss my turn off, simply because I hate having to retrace my steps.
What do all of these things have in common?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!
That’s how I feel life goes. More importantly, that’s how I feel relationships go!
Nothing relates to anything! We have literally NO clue what we’re doing. We just have stacks and stacks of random facts about one another that don’t mean anything. And somehow we try to derive meaning from everything someone says or does. But why? Does the fact that he only showers at night really change the way of your relationship?
Sometimes I think we take facts and personal habits of one another and try to make them about ourselves. We twist the situation and the things that have happened along the way, and make it out into a personal vendetta.
I met this guy back when I was trying the whole “online dating” thing, and it was both the best and worst situation I had with the entire website. We started talking and I started to really like him, but a few months into talking nonstop, he said that he couldn’t have a relationship. Umm are you serious? It turned into a weird friendship and a series of accusations (made by me) about him never having been interested in the first place and using me as someone to kill time. Pretty presumptuous of me, right? I’m SO awesome that he hand-picked me to destroy little by little everyday by instilling false hope.
Or could it simply be that initially when we’d started talking he had every intention of moving forward until certain aspects of his life changed?
If you guessed the latter, you’d be correct.
We always warp things into a perspective that is mostly negative when it comes to our dating partners. We tell ourselves that the reason our significant other is working so much is because they don’t like spending time with us, or they don’t value our relationship. We constantly take a skewed perspective and convince ourselves that everything someone says or does is done directly to hurt us. But how ridiculous is that? Do we really think everyone is out to get us all the time?
A major killer of relationships is the terrible habit of assumption making. Well he didn’t call me back, so he must be mad at me, or she didn’t come to my work function so she must be embarrassed to be seen with me. These are thoughts people literally have, over and over again.
Our dating partners don’t destroy us, we destroy ourselves.
We have this mentality that the world revolves around us. All day long we have our own personal commentary inside our head and we gauge the world in how the world interacts with us. When all along, we should be looking at how we interact with the world.
We are all piles of quirks and weird ideas. We have
different versions of creativity and intelligence and we come with our own
likes and dislikes. These are not things that change relationships. These are
things that make up a person. Sure, having common interests will draw us to one
another, but it’s our interactions that truly determine how everything is going
to be.
Don’t live life based on assumptions about each other. Maybe we have to ask a lot of questions and have a really irrational meltdown over someone not paying attention to us. That is far better than making accusations or letting those insecurities we’ve built up in our own heads, destroy the basis for a good friendship.
People do not live their lives in accordance to you. People live their lives alongside you.
Try to remember that the next time a random habit of your favorite guy/girl makes those negative thoughts about yourself creep in. And tell the chatter to shut up! This may not be your world, but those voices in your head certainly are.
Don’t live life based on assumptions about each other. Maybe we have to ask a lot of questions and have a really irrational meltdown over someone not paying attention to us. That is far better than making accusations or letting those insecurities we’ve built up in our own heads, destroy the basis for a good friendship.
People do not live their lives in accordance to you. People live their lives alongside you.
Try to remember that the next time a random habit of your favorite guy/girl makes those negative thoughts about yourself creep in. And tell the chatter to shut up! This may not be your world, but those voices in your head certainly are.
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