Dating is hard, but stop being a nervous mess and just go!
Okay ladies, here it is. DATING. IS. HARD.
It’s hard. I’m pretty sure that skydiving without a parachute, and learning to fly on your own and surviving the fall, would actually be easier.
Okay- slight exaggeration, maybe not.
But the concept is there.
Dating is hard, and it sucks. And NO, this article is not for you ladies who met the perfect guy in high school or are already married or are with your college sweetheart, or have been with the same guy for forever. This is NOT relationship advice or a guide to keeping your man happy. (By the way, can I just go ahead and throw out there how stupid that is?? Needing advice to make HIM happy? Be yourself….okay sorry..I’ll stop ranting.)
No, this is not for you. This is for usunfortunate
characters who have not yet found our [soul] mate.
This is for the girls that have to go on countless dates with strangers, hoping one of them will be our match.
This is for the women who watch the clock tick away our precious child-baring years as we go through a series of failed relationships.
This is for the women who cry when they get yet ANOTHER wedding invitation and will have to RSVP for “1”.
This is for my dear sweet friends. I’ve got your back.
There is this social stigma out there that somehow tells us we’re supposed to meet a guy, get married, AND start having babies all in our twenties. OUR TWENTIES!?! Like are you freaking kidding me?? I barely got out of college—actually, I’m still IN college (graduate school). I have barely gotten to know myself and you’re telling me that I need to find a man, get to know him, commit to him for life, and have children, all within this window of the next 6 years?? I. CANNNN’T.
It’s hard. I’m pretty sure that skydiving without a parachute, and learning to fly on your own and surviving the fall, would actually be easier.
Okay- slight exaggeration, maybe not.
But the concept is there.
Dating is hard, and it sucks. And NO, this article is not for you ladies who met the perfect guy in high school or are already married or are with your college sweetheart, or have been with the same guy for forever. This is NOT relationship advice or a guide to keeping your man happy. (By the way, can I just go ahead and throw out there how stupid that is?? Needing advice to make HIM happy? Be yourself….okay sorry..I’ll stop ranting.)
No, this is not for you. This is for us
This is for the girls that have to go on countless dates with strangers, hoping one of them will be our match.
This is for the women who watch the clock tick away our precious child-baring years as we go through a series of failed relationships.
This is for the women who cry when they get yet ANOTHER wedding invitation and will have to RSVP for “1”.
This is for my dear sweet friends. I’ve got your back.
There is this social stigma out there that somehow tells us we’re supposed to meet a guy, get married, AND start having babies all in our twenties. OUR TWENTIES!?! Like are you freaking kidding me?? I barely got out of college—actually, I’m still IN college (graduate school). I have barely gotten to know myself and you’re telling me that I need to find a man, get to know him, commit to him for life, and have children, all within this window of the next 6 years?? I. CANNNN’T.
Let’s rewind a little bit. Look at what the dating scene is
these days. My options of finding the “one” have been limited to college
classes, my job (which is a female dominated field), and then the treacherous
world of online dating. Those are my options. And while I have met some great
guys, I haven’t met THE guy. That illusive “one” everyone is talking about.
I have been tricked by society, into believing that there is one perfect guy out there for me and I have yet to find him. But listen up ladies, I’m calling bullshit. That is bullshit. Pardon my language here, but that is absolute crap!
I have been tricked by society, into believing that there is one perfect guy out there for me and I have yet to find him. But listen up ladies, I’m calling bullshit. That is bullshit. Pardon my language here, but that is absolute crap!
Here is how I see it:
The magic of meeting
people is how you met. You have to be
in the same place, at the same time, AND have common interests and likes and be
physically attracted to one another. That’s a pretty tough combination. Even
with online dating you have to be semi-close and like the same things.
Therefore, I think that there are a few different people we could end up with in this world and be truly [happy]. I think there are a great number of potential loves out there for us, it all just comes down to who we run into first. I don’t think anyone is destined to be alone or that there is one person out there for us. Our lives are changing every day and we all change our paths several times and while I do believe in God’s plan for us all, I think he also gave us freewill and a series of choices that depend on our own decision making.
So, back to dating.
You meet a guy, whether the conventional organic run in at a bar, another student in your class, a potential partner online, or a friend set up, and you plan to go out.
This is the tricky part—the actual date.
Dude, I don’t care HOW many dates you’ve gone on, how many people you have slept with, or how confident you are, this part is intensely nerve wrecking.
You plan it out in your head; what you’re going to wear, conversation starters, jokes to tell, what hair products to use, which jewelry to sport, what purse to bring. EVERYTHING is planned out accordingly, all to make this guy [stay] interested.
It’s stupid when you think about it. Like what guy is like “You know what? I’m not going to hang out with this girl anymore because she was carrying a brown clutch and had hoop earrings on.”?
Like where the hell is girl logic going with these thoughts?
Every time I go on a date, I change clothes at least 5 times, and will practice doing my hair twice, before actually getting ready for the date. Even if I swear it’s casual and we’re just going to have coffee, I still plan out my simple outfit of jeans, hair in a pony tail, v-neck shirt and scarf, and “just threw this outfit together” look. Though, in reality, it probably took almost 2 hours and I probably redid my makeup 4 times.
Therefore, I think that there are a few different people we could end up with in this world and be truly [happy]. I think there are a great number of potential loves out there for us, it all just comes down to who we run into first. I don’t think anyone is destined to be alone or that there is one person out there for us. Our lives are changing every day and we all change our paths several times and while I do believe in God’s plan for us all, I think he also gave us freewill and a series of choices that depend on our own decision making.
So, back to dating.
You meet a guy, whether the conventional organic run in at a bar, another student in your class, a potential partner online, or a friend set up, and you plan to go out.
This is the tricky part—the actual date.
Dude, I don’t care HOW many dates you’ve gone on, how many people you have slept with, or how confident you are, this part is intensely nerve wrecking.
You plan it out in your head; what you’re going to wear, conversation starters, jokes to tell, what hair products to use, which jewelry to sport, what purse to bring. EVERYTHING is planned out accordingly, all to make this guy [stay] interested.
It’s stupid when you think about it. Like what guy is like “You know what? I’m not going to hang out with this girl anymore because she was carrying a brown clutch and had hoop earrings on.”?
Like where the hell is girl logic going with these thoughts?
Every time I go on a date, I change clothes at least 5 times, and will practice doing my hair twice, before actually getting ready for the date. Even if I swear it’s casual and we’re just going to have coffee, I still plan out my simple outfit of jeans, hair in a pony tail, v-neck shirt and scarf, and “just threw this outfit together” look. Though, in reality, it probably took almost 2 hours and I probably redid my makeup 4 times.
To me, and most women, impressions are everything. We want a
guy to find us attractive and desirable from the minute we step into view. We
want our walk to be eloquent, our posture to look both relaxed AND proper. We
consciously choose our lipstick by whether or not we think he’ll try to kiss
us. We choose our shoes based on where we’re going and what height the guy is.
We choose a clutch over a purse, so he won’t think we NEED a lot to get ready. We will pretend that we were in a rush and didn’t have time to get ready and we’ll apologize for our appearance at least once. Even though we probably did nothing else all day except plan this stupid date out.
Like I said, dating is HARD.
I remember when I went on my first date, I was so nervous I actually threw up. It was all I could do not to cancel. My stomach was in knots and I cried twice over the pressure. And no, I wasn’t like a 16 year old girl. My first REAL date wasn’t until I was 21. So, by that point, I should have been a grown up about it, right? I should have been able to just roll with it and go? HA! Nope.
Even after being in the [real] dating scene for the last 3 years, I still suck at dates.
I don’t get as nervous and I’m pretty confident and can have a good time, but the whole process is freaking terrifying.
All I can think is “What if I say something stupid? What if the food gives me bad breath? What if he gets offended when I offer to pay for my own food? (Yes, I’m a feminist—I have to offer to go dutch, or I’d be considered sexist). What if I snort when I laugh? What if I trip and fall? What if I sweat too much and he notices? What if I get body odor? What if it rains and my hair frizzes?”
And the thoughts just keep coming. Those horrible, irrational, self-destructive thoughts that make dating a terrible plight.
But ladies, you’ve gotta go. You HAVE to do it. Suck it up, put your big girl panties on, and GO.
Guys don’t care if you wear a dress or jeans. They don’t care what eyeshadow you’re wearing, or what purse you chose to carry. If they asked you out, or agreed to go out with you when you asked (kudos, by the way, if you asked him), then freaking go!
I have so many friends that will legit cancel a date because they’re nervous.
In fact, I've had a guy cancel on me because he said he was too nervous, and I know for a fact, that wasn’t an excuse. He was seriously nervous. Even though we had already hungout as friends; somehow the idea of it being an actual “date” made me so much more intimidating.
But I’ll take it.
By this point, I may not have had a lot of relationships, but I’ve been on a lot of dates. I’ve become a serial dater. (Which is kind of awful when you think about it, but if he’s not the guy—he’s not the guy. No need to waste our time continuing if I know it isn’t working.)
Ladies, you have to keep going. Even when you’re nervous. Even when you’re afraid of doing something stupid. Even when you think he may not be the guy for you. Just. GO!
I’ve learned so much about myself through going on dates, and I’ve learned to be so much more confident. In fact, on the last 3 dates I went on, the guys commented on how confident I was. I mean, I totally didn’t feel it and I was freaking out on the inside, but the conversation flowed and things seemed great.
So go on those dates, ladies! Go, have fun, eat some dinner, get food stuck in your teeth, trip on the sidewalk, let him laugh at you, laugh at his jokes—or don’t if they’re not funny. Let your hair frizz in the rain, let yourself hate the food if it sucks. Don’t be afraid to pick the movie YOU want to see.
Just be yourself. That’s the only way you’ll ever find the true guy for you. Or one of the many awesome relationships that fail and make you better for the man you will someday end up with!
And know this: guys get nervous too!
One time, I was on a first date and the guy ran around the car so fast to open my door, that he tripped and fell on the concrete. I tried so hard not to laugh, but it was literally the best moment ever. Then, when he went to close my door, he almost slammed my hand in it. Total charmer!
So get off your butt, stop canceling (you know who you are!), and go be a total nervous mess in the presence of the opposite sex (or the same sex—though I’m pretty sure dating women is vastly different).
Go be that beautiful mess that you are and be confident! You are amazing and a guy wouldn’t ask you out if he didn’t want to get to know you. So let him. And let him get to know the REAL you. Smile. Laugh. Monopolize all the conversation. Or be shy and let him lead the way. Be whoever the hell you are any other day. And who cares if this date works out! You do NOT have to be married before 30. Your biological clock isn’t ticking. Shut up. Stop complaining. You are enough all by yourself. Now go have some really awkward fun!
We choose a clutch over a purse, so he won’t think we NEED a lot to get ready. We will pretend that we were in a rush and didn’t have time to get ready and we’ll apologize for our appearance at least once. Even though we probably did nothing else all day except plan this stupid date out.
Like I said, dating is HARD.
I remember when I went on my first date, I was so nervous I actually threw up. It was all I could do not to cancel. My stomach was in knots and I cried twice over the pressure. And no, I wasn’t like a 16 year old girl. My first REAL date wasn’t until I was 21. So, by that point, I should have been a grown up about it, right? I should have been able to just roll with it and go? HA! Nope.
Even after being in the [real] dating scene for the last 3 years, I still suck at dates.
I don’t get as nervous and I’m pretty confident and can have a good time, but the whole process is freaking terrifying.
All I can think is “What if I say something stupid? What if the food gives me bad breath? What if he gets offended when I offer to pay for my own food? (Yes, I’m a feminist—I have to offer to go dutch, or I’d be considered sexist). What if I snort when I laugh? What if I trip and fall? What if I sweat too much and he notices? What if I get body odor? What if it rains and my hair frizzes?”
And the thoughts just keep coming. Those horrible, irrational, self-destructive thoughts that make dating a terrible plight.
But ladies, you’ve gotta go. You HAVE to do it. Suck it up, put your big girl panties on, and GO.
Guys don’t care if you wear a dress or jeans. They don’t care what eyeshadow you’re wearing, or what purse you chose to carry. If they asked you out, or agreed to go out with you when you asked (kudos, by the way, if you asked him), then freaking go!
I have so many friends that will legit cancel a date because they’re nervous.
In fact, I've had a guy cancel on me because he said he was too nervous, and I know for a fact, that wasn’t an excuse. He was seriously nervous. Even though we had already hungout as friends; somehow the idea of it being an actual “date” made me so much more intimidating.
But I’ll take it.
By this point, I may not have had a lot of relationships, but I’ve been on a lot of dates. I’ve become a serial dater. (Which is kind of awful when you think about it, but if he’s not the guy—he’s not the guy. No need to waste our time continuing if I know it isn’t working.)
Ladies, you have to keep going. Even when you’re nervous. Even when you’re afraid of doing something stupid. Even when you think he may not be the guy for you. Just. GO!
I’ve learned so much about myself through going on dates, and I’ve learned to be so much more confident. In fact, on the last 3 dates I went on, the guys commented on how confident I was. I mean, I totally didn’t feel it and I was freaking out on the inside, but the conversation flowed and things seemed great.
So go on those dates, ladies! Go, have fun, eat some dinner, get food stuck in your teeth, trip on the sidewalk, let him laugh at you, laugh at his jokes—or don’t if they’re not funny. Let your hair frizz in the rain, let yourself hate the food if it sucks. Don’t be afraid to pick the movie YOU want to see.
Just be yourself. That’s the only way you’ll ever find the true guy for you. Or one of the many awesome relationships that fail and make you better for the man you will someday end up with!
And know this: guys get nervous too!
One time, I was on a first date and the guy ran around the car so fast to open my door, that he tripped and fell on the concrete. I tried so hard not to laugh, but it was literally the best moment ever. Then, when he went to close my door, he almost slammed my hand in it. Total charmer!
So get off your butt, stop canceling (you know who you are!), and go be a total nervous mess in the presence of the opposite sex (or the same sex—though I’m pretty sure dating women is vastly different).
Go be that beautiful mess that you are and be confident! You are amazing and a guy wouldn’t ask you out if he didn’t want to get to know you. So let him. And let him get to know the REAL you. Smile. Laugh. Monopolize all the conversation. Or be shy and let him lead the way. Be whoever the hell you are any other day. And who cares if this date works out! You do NOT have to be married before 30. Your biological clock isn’t ticking. Shut up. Stop complaining. You are enough all by yourself. Now go have some really awkward fun!
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