just alyssa

26 letters. The alphabet has 26 letters, 5 vowels.....26 syllables, and there still isn't enough variation to form into words a true feeling. Each word I begin to draw out and plaster on paper to describe a moment, is rivaled with another emotion, challenging its definition, knowing it will never fit. I never fit. Out of all of the emotions and all the words in the world, nothing comes close to explaining me. And that is my life. I'm simply, unexplainable. Self discovery is a pretty long process, and often pretty intense. You don't really know what you're going to find, or even what you're hoping to find. People come in and out of your life, nudging you in different directions,  as you try so desperately to figure out what box you're supposed to fit in. But you never do. You never find that box. And sometimes I'm glad. Sometimes I'm happy I don't fit every label, or can't be thrown into a box with other words, ...

Each morning when I wake up, there are a few seconds where I don't recognize where I am. I start to flutter my eyelids, absorbing my surroundings, and for a moment, I wonder where I am. I wonder about this room, this house, this town, this state, and the world I am in. I think about who I am and what I'm doing. In those moments, before I completely grasp my purpose, I'm hopeful for what I could be. I start to think about the dreams I have for myself and all the people that have touched my life. And I feel completely relaxed, knowing there are always endless possibilities for how my life could go. Sadly, after those few seconds, the turmoil of my messy life comes back to me and I remember the reality I live in. A place where every dream takes money, and earning that is hard. A place where not everyone believes in me or has faith in my abilities. A place where equality is only truly driven by the few, while the many accept society for what it is. A place where datin...

Spending time with kids is always adventurous.  As a nanny and an unofficial aunt to my best friend's children, I find that there is a never-ending supply of laughter and ridiculous stories to repeat over and over. If the stories of children aren't epic enough, add to that the difference of boys and girls, and you'll have a free flow of tears from the epicness that you confront. Having said that, I will share with you one of my most recent adventures with my friend's four year old son, Shaun. A few things about Shaun, he is very much his own breed. He's bull-headed, a little bit obnoxious, very masculine, and just---a WHOLE LOT OF BOY. If you're a parent to a boy, that statement means everything. If you're not, you'll soon discover what that means by the end of this blog. To begin our adventure, Shaun is fully potty trained. While he knows how to potty on his own, he will not do so without company. I was at my friend's house when Sha...