I guess I'm falling in love...
There comes a time when you finally hit that age where relationships, kids, and families start to come into the picture. You do the job thing and your life starts to take its natural course....or it's supposed to.
The societal norm would be to go to college, meet your dream partner, get a job, get married, buy a house with a white picket fence, and have babies. Voila. You've done it.
But what I don't understand is how this went from being a dream to an actual goal.
People who get engaged look at it as some sort of success. A success of what? Capturing someone's heart? Finally following what society has shown you to be the "norm"?
I, too, have had these same ambitions. They have just looked a little different.
I am extraordinarily selfish, in that, I chose not to date in college (setting aside the fact that I literally didn't have the time) because I didn't want it to get in the way of what I was trying to accomplish. I didn't want a distraction, I wanted a degree. Some people can make it all work at the same time, but I am not one of those people. When I'm aiming for a goal, the rest is background noise. I zone in and go for it. I've always kind of been that way. A true perfectionist. (And a bit of a selfish maniac, but that's beside the point).
Well I went to college, got my degree, and now I have a job. So I guess the next step would be, a man. Or at least that's what I'm told. I'm constantly being reminded that I'm single and as the wedding invites pour in, I do kind of feel out of place.
I kind of go back and forth between wanting a relationship and just wanting to stay home alone and eat pizza. Sometimes staying home really is the better option.
After spending months agonizing over what I really wanted (to go full force and try to be with someone, or let the friendships of my life lead the way), I decided to just go for it. Though I still wasn't even sure what that it was.
I decided that maybe I was just looking for someone who would make that decision for me. Like I'd meet the perfect guy and be okay with being vulnerable, and there would be stars in my eyes and everything would just fall into place. It seemed so much easier. But the problem was, with each failed date I went on, I was just reminded of how much I don't want to settle into a young marriage. I really don't. I'm sooooo not there and I know it!
Some people can get married and have kids while they're young, but I've never seen myself doing that. Even my friends have said they thought I'd wait til I'm almost 30. I'm kind of........well, selfish.
Sometimes I want to be left alone and I want to work and pour myself into changing the world (even though that is literally impossible).
Finally, after one last horrible date, I figured it out. I was having drinks with this guy and he just kept going on and on about what he wanted his life to look like and marriage and a family and OHMYGOD are you serious?! This is not even first date material! I was trying to be optimistic here, but how could he tell me what my future was going to hold? Seriously? I mean MAYBE if we knew each other or we were friends or grew up together. But we just met! I'd only talked to him like 4 times before going out.
This is the kind of thing that just blows my mind. While I admit, we all want that special someone in our future, we put too much pressure on it. Before I went out with this guy, my friend told him not to be clingy. She told him I'd run away if he came on too strong. I, of course, had no idea this conversation took place, but now that I know, I guess there's some truth there.
Every time I go out with someone, it's abundantly clear that there's some sort of goal. There has to be. You don't typically go out with someone just to go. Although, that's EXACTLY what I'd prefer to do.
We're supposed to talk to people, open up, be vulnerable.
We're supposed to fall in love.That's the ultimate goal. Falling in love.
It's enchanting and ominous and the feeling is so good and pure and can be happy or hurtful, but it's just love. A love that opens you up to new possibilities. A love that leaves you vulnerable, but relaxed in the same breath.
But I already am falling in love.
In fact, I'm already in love.
I'm in love and his name is life.
I'm in love with life.
Everyday, I'm consciously choosing to embrace it and see where it takes me.
Whether it's taking me on adventures through traveling, or through new experiences at work, or through meeting a new guy that I could potentially marry.
I'm in love with every aspect of what my life is and could potentially be. And I don't even care what happens.
I don't care if I meet someone new and get married next year, or 5 years from now connect with an old friend, or move to a foreign country and meet a guy with an accent (okay, that one I reeealllly want).
Who cares what the "norm" is?
Who cares if I'm still 30 and single or I don't have any kids when I go to my 20 year reunion.
Why does it matter?
The point is, I'm happy. Truly happy.
Because I've chosen to be.
I like where my life currently is and it's okay not knowing where I'm headed.
I have a thirst for adventure and I crave making a difference.
And I know that at the end of the day, as long as I have good friends, the rest won't matter.
So I have to go to a few weddings alone. So what?
Maybe I'll get stuck at the singles table.
Or maybe I'll take a guy friend to laugh and joke with the whole night.
And maybe I won't.
Maybe I'll be the lonely girl in the corner.
But it doesn't even matter, because I'm already in love.
So if any of you are single, or you're not married, or you're afraid that you're getting too old, or you're in a really bad relationship that you're afraid to end because you don't want to be alone, tell yourself it doesn't matter.
Because it really doesn't.
Society doesn't have the right to tell you what your life should look like.
Happiness is a choice.
You can choose to wallow in self pity or you can choose to say it doesn't matter.
You hold all the power to your own well being.
You can choose to love not only where you're going to be someday, but where you are today.
So do it. Fall in love. Let your thirst for life bring you in search of a heavy rain and just let it pour.
You deserve it. You deserve love, no matter what package it comes in.
The relationships and family will come in their own time. It can still be your dream, but it doesn't have to be an active goal. It will happen when it happens. Just enjoy your life. The good things will come when you least expect them, and all wrapped up in a package you never expected to see.
And love isn't dependent on intimate relationships or finding the one you're going to marry.
Love can be in friendships too. And God I have good friends. And making new ones all the time.
So I guess I'm falling in love again...
The societal norm would be to go to college, meet your dream partner, get a job, get married, buy a house with a white picket fence, and have babies. Voila. You've done it.
But what I don't understand is how this went from being a dream to an actual goal.
People who get engaged look at it as some sort of success. A success of what? Capturing someone's heart? Finally following what society has shown you to be the "norm"?
I, too, have had these same ambitions. They have just looked a little different.
I am extraordinarily selfish, in that, I chose not to date in college (setting aside the fact that I literally didn't have the time) because I didn't want it to get in the way of what I was trying to accomplish. I didn't want a distraction, I wanted a degree. Some people can make it all work at the same time, but I am not one of those people. When I'm aiming for a goal, the rest is background noise. I zone in and go for it. I've always kind of been that way. A true perfectionist. (And a bit of a selfish maniac, but that's beside the point).
Well I went to college, got my degree, and now I have a job. So I guess the next step would be, a man. Or at least that's what I'm told. I'm constantly being reminded that I'm single and as the wedding invites pour in, I do kind of feel out of place.
I kind of go back and forth between wanting a relationship and just wanting to stay home alone and eat pizza. Sometimes staying home really is the better option.
After spending months agonizing over what I really wanted (to go full force and try to be with someone, or let the friendships of my life lead the way), I decided to just go for it. Though I still wasn't even sure what that it was.
I decided that maybe I was just looking for someone who would make that decision for me. Like I'd meet the perfect guy and be okay with being vulnerable, and there would be stars in my eyes and everything would just fall into place. It seemed so much easier. But the problem was, with each failed date I went on, I was just reminded of how much I don't want to settle into a young marriage. I really don't. I'm sooooo not there and I know it!
Some people can get married and have kids while they're young, but I've never seen myself doing that. Even my friends have said they thought I'd wait til I'm almost 30. I'm kind of........well, selfish.
Sometimes I want to be left alone and I want to work and pour myself into changing the world (even though that is literally impossible).
Finally, after one last horrible date, I figured it out. I was having drinks with this guy and he just kept going on and on about what he wanted his life to look like and marriage and a family and OHMYGOD are you serious?! This is not even first date material! I was trying to be optimistic here, but how could he tell me what my future was going to hold? Seriously? I mean MAYBE if we knew each other or we were friends or grew up together. But we just met! I'd only talked to him like 4 times before going out.
This is the kind of thing that just blows my mind. While I admit, we all want that special someone in our future, we put too much pressure on it. Before I went out with this guy, my friend told him not to be clingy. She told him I'd run away if he came on too strong. I, of course, had no idea this conversation took place, but now that I know, I guess there's some truth there.
Every time I go out with someone, it's abundantly clear that there's some sort of goal. There has to be. You don't typically go out with someone just to go. Although, that's EXACTLY what I'd prefer to do.
We're supposed to talk to people, open up, be vulnerable.
We're supposed to fall in love.That's the ultimate goal. Falling in love.
It's enchanting and ominous and the feeling is so good and pure and can be happy or hurtful, but it's just love. A love that opens you up to new possibilities. A love that leaves you vulnerable, but relaxed in the same breath.
But I already am falling in love.
In fact, I'm already in love.
I'm in love and his name is life.
I'm in love with life.
Everyday, I'm consciously choosing to embrace it and see where it takes me.
Whether it's taking me on adventures through traveling, or through new experiences at work, or through meeting a new guy that I could potentially marry.
I'm in love with every aspect of what my life is and could potentially be. And I don't even care what happens.
I don't care if I meet someone new and get married next year, or 5 years from now connect with an old friend, or move to a foreign country and meet a guy with an accent (okay, that one I reeealllly want).
Who cares what the "norm" is?
Who cares if I'm still 30 and single or I don't have any kids when I go to my 20 year reunion.
Why does it matter?
The point is, I'm happy. Truly happy.
Because I've chosen to be.
I like where my life currently is and it's okay not knowing where I'm headed.
I have a thirst for adventure and I crave making a difference.
And I know that at the end of the day, as long as I have good friends, the rest won't matter.
So I have to go to a few weddings alone. So what?
Maybe I'll get stuck at the singles table.
Or maybe I'll take a guy friend to laugh and joke with the whole night.
And maybe I won't.
Maybe I'll be the lonely girl in the corner.
But it doesn't even matter, because I'm already in love.
So if any of you are single, or you're not married, or you're afraid that you're getting too old, or you're in a really bad relationship that you're afraid to end because you don't want to be alone, tell yourself it doesn't matter.
Because it really doesn't.
Society doesn't have the right to tell you what your life should look like.
Happiness is a choice.
You can choose to wallow in self pity or you can choose to say it doesn't matter.
You hold all the power to your own well being.
You can choose to love not only where you're going to be someday, but where you are today.
So do it. Fall in love. Let your thirst for life bring you in search of a heavy rain and just let it pour.
You deserve it. You deserve love, no matter what package it comes in.
The relationships and family will come in their own time. It can still be your dream, but it doesn't have to be an active goal. It will happen when it happens. Just enjoy your life. The good things will come when you least expect them, and all wrapped up in a package you never expected to see.
And love isn't dependent on intimate relationships or finding the one you're going to marry.
Love can be in friendships too. And God I have good friends. And making new ones all the time.
So I guess I'm falling in love again...
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