Crave Independence

Have you ever wondered why all girl clothes and toys are pink?

It's like it's literally the only acceptable color. It's that or a purple or lavender.
Boys clothes and toys come in blues, reds, yellows, greens, even neutral shades.
All of these colors are acceptable for boys OR girls,
yet for girls you get pinkand some variation of purple or white.

I was on buzzfeed one day and I discovered this letter a 7 year old had written to Lego.

 

She writes:

"Dear Lego company:

My name is Charlotte. I am 7 years old and I love legos but I don’t like that there are more Lego boy people and barely any Lego girls.
Today I went to a store and saw legos in two sections the girls pink and the boys blue. All the girls did was sit at home, go to the beach, and shop, and they had no jobs but the boys went on adventures, worked, saved people, and had jobs, even swam with sharks.
I want you to make more Lego girl people and let them go on adventures and have fun ok!?!
Thank you.
From Charlotte."

Good thoughts, Charlotte, I'm kind of enraged too!!

Why IS that?

I am constantly thinking of how differently women are treated from men.
I've recently been having an issue with break ins and all of my friends first responses were to get a "body guard" or to have a male friend spend the night at my house.
Is that the only answer? I have to have a guy friend come and rescue me?

Yes, having guy friends is often beneficial, and sometimes having them around might ward off strangers, but is that literally my only option?
Like I'm some damsel in distress and I need rescued?

When one of my guy friends offered to come and stay with me, I was immediately offended. I said "What, am I not tough?"
His response,
"Alyssa, of course you're tough.
But you're also a female and that makes you more vulnerable."
Wellllll great!!
(Mostly, I didn't want all of his "man products" in my shower and the general smell of feet filtering through my house---let's face it, men are disgusting)

I'm obviously stubborn and did not take him up on his offer.
I did take other precautions and asked for help when I felt like I needed it,
but my classic problem of never-ending stubbornness still remains.


As I was browsing through Barnes and Noble the other day, looking for new reading material, I wondered over to one of my favorite sections: the women's studies section.
This happens to be right next to the Philosophy books and cultural studies. I always find the material in those sections fascinating. There are books on religion, philosophy, world findings. A LOT of fun material to dive into when you're young and curious, like me.
As I was browsing, I realized that all of the women's studies books on feminism were directly with books on lesbianism. In fact, the Gay and Lesbian section and the "feminism" section were exactly the same. They are the same section.
Immediately I became offended.
I've been battling the "feminism" and "lesbianism" are not the same, war for a while now.
People do not understand that the two are not directly related.
Not all lesbians are feminists AND not all feminists are lesbians!
How can they just group them together like that?
The only thing that might bring them together, in ANY way, is this:
Women need independence.

Women who are involved with other women, have more independence than most heterosexuals. They don't have to rely on a man to help them make decisions or to take care of them. I am in no way okay with these things still being grouped together, but looking at it from this facet, I guess it makes sense.

One of my friends recently asked how you choose between two different men.
She's in a relationship with one man and while there are still feelings there,
she also has feelings towards another.
She asked how you make the decision to abandon one, to pursue another.

It's simple.
You don't.

Relationships are not only about each other and happiness.
It's about independence.
Yes, I see the irony here.

I've been single for a while.......a good long while. haha
Mostly by choice.

Independence is a beautiful thing.
It's comforting.

Anaiis Nin once said,
“How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants,
rather than to create it herself?”

Beautifully put.
How do we know what we want, if we're waiting on men to give it to us?
It's like going to a coffee shop and expecting the barista to pick for you.
That's going to be quite difficult if they don't know you.
YOU are the one who knows what you want.
Men and women, alike.
If men are to make their own choices about life,
shouldn't we?
It's not just a choice between what man you want.
It's a choice about what YOU want. Not a man, but a life.
An independent life.
Sure, you may date, get married, have a family.
But you should still crave independence.

There was a study by Rutgers in 2007, that showed out of 500 individuals,
men and women with feminist partners,
were more satisfied in their heterosexual relationships.
Meaning, that men and women who remained independent in their relationships,
were more likely to achieve happiness and stay together.
This directly correlates with break ups and divorce.

Therefore, we should crave independence.
We should want our own jobs, our own friends, hobbies.
Things OUTSIDE of each other.

Men and women both need to embrace feminism.
We should promote toys and clothing that is neutral.
We're making better human beings!
Why is it wrong if a boy plays with a baby doll or a girl plays with a dump truck?
You know what my favorite toy was as a kid?
Hot wheels.
For. Real.
We had tracks set up all over the house.
My dad would spend hours building them with us, making loops everywhere,
sending them down a flight of stairs, looping through the hallway,
then back to the kitchen where my mother stood, laughing at our fun.
And NO ONE played house better than my brother. He loved it.
Adored it. You know who else loved it? My friends Blake and Jacob. Yep. LOVED IT.

We need to quit stereotyping and teaching children gender roles.
Instead, we should encourage them to explore different
outlets and teach them independence.

There is still this stigma out there that somehow letting your children explore
these different "roles" will make them gay.
Shocker? It DOESN'T!
It 100% has nothing to do with what they did or didn't play with.
You don't "make kids gay".
Just like you don't make mushrooms gross. They just are.
Get over it.

Lesson here?
Crave independence.
Always.
It doesn't make you antisocial or a hermit.
It's not going to make you lonely or eternally single.
It gives you purpose.
Why wouldn't you want a life of your own?
Out of every guy I've been out with, while I may have been completely taken by them and found that I wanted to be around them or talk to them all the time, I also still wanted to be
by myself or with my friends. I wanted to go to work and do my job.
I want a purpose outside of him.
He has another purpose, why wouldn't I?

Crave independence.
It's that simple.

As Lauren Oliver says in Delirium,
“I'd rather die my way than live yours.”