My Dog Ate My Homework

Part I

The day started off good. I woke up to a phone call from one of the places that I had applied for a job. They wanted me to come in for an interview at 2:30. FANTASTIC!!! I have been sitting at home all day, every day for nearly 4 weeks! A job interview was just what I needed to lift my spirits.

I started my day off right, with a crisp attitude, and a smidge of hope to keep me going. Could this be the job I’d been waiting for? With all of my new found hope and happiness, the morning seemed to call for a little something extra. So I jumped out of bed, grabbed my ipod and headed for the shower. I proceeded to get ready for the day by blaring Third Eye Blind and Matchbox Twenty. Suddenly I was back in high school and getting ready for a school dance. The only difference was the ipod in place of the cd/cassette player and stack of cd’s. I just felt good. I bounced around the house, did some laundry, replied to some emails, and watched some tv.

[If you find yourself bored, skip to Part II]

When 1pm finally arrived, I decided to finish getting ready. I had previously left my hair to air dry and was still makeup-less. Now my hair was dry, my face was fresh, and I resumed my morning duties. I switched the ipod back on, turned on the curling iron, and went to work. I quickly began wrapping my hair in perfect spiral curls. Realizing I might be trying too hard, I did the classic head shake (80’s rocker headbang), releasing my tight bound curls into a flowy volumous masterpiece. It really was perfect. (:

Next, I moved on to my makeup. (I apologize if you are a boy and are reading this. I promise it will get more interesting soon. Hang in there.) I decided to go for a more natural look. I usually prefer to either not wear makeup or to make it look like I’m not wearing any. So I continued to lay on a thin layer of foundation, a hint of blush, a touch of eye shadow, and some mascara to make my eyes stand out (plus, if I don’t wear mascara, I look like some mental chick from a horror movie----NOT attractive).

Finally, I was ready for an outfit. I was going for an interview to be a Child Development Specialist Assistant (Yes, I’m aware the title is long---no-I didn’t come up with it myself). Having said that, I wanted an outfit that would show that I was down to earth and laid back. I wanted to look professional, but I didn’t want to overdress. At this point, I’ve been to a LOT of interviews and I’ve learned a thing or two about appearance. You have to dress for the job you want. Be impressive, but not overconfident. Look refined, but not too glamorous.
Soo back to my outfit… In order to achieve maximum appeal, I decided on a pair of khaki’s, a brown ruffled shirt, and a white lacy jacket. This outfit called more for flats, but it appeared that I don’t have any plain brown flats (*note to self: buy brown flats). So I settled for some brown, round toe heals. From the front they look like flats, but they have a 1 ½” heel. This was still doable.
Finally, I was all ready to go…

Part II

I grabbed my phone, and my purse, gave Kryton (my incredibly adorable dog) a quick smile, and headed out the door…..OH CRAP!! Guess where my keys are?? In my happy “I just got an interview” bubble, I forgot to grab my keys off the hook. Quickly I reach for my phone to call my landlord. I start scrolling and scrolling…….and Scrolling….AND SCROLLING…… Where is the number you might ask? Oh yes, it is in the phone that broke yesterday. My touch screen phone decided to become unresponsive so I had to switch back to an old phone, leaving all my contacts behind. I couldn’t even open my contact list to move it to the old phone. I still had all my friend’s numbers, but I just moved to this place in August so the number for my landlord wasn’t in my old phone. Grreeeaaat.

In a panic I call Sydney (my incredibly wonderful best friend who will, no doubt, come and get me and drive me to my interview). Sydney answers but is on her way into work. Crap. I quickly scroll through the numbers again, but I barely have any numbers for people in Carbondale because they are all in the OTHER phone. AHHH! Next I try Andrew---no answer. CRAP. I knew my landlord had a website with the number on it, but I didn’t have internet on my phone.

Finally I decided to call my dad at work. The guy who spends all day working on computers could definitely surf the web for me. So I call dad—scream some gibberish about needing the number—receive the number---and hangup (yes, it was that abrupt—time was of the essence here).

I called my landlord, Belinda, who informed me that she was the only one at the office so it would take her a few minutes to get someone to take her place……more waiting. After about 10 minutes she arrived with a key….THANK GOD! She’s laughing and carrying on as she tries 5 different keys in my door---FIVE! Apparently she doesn’t know which one it is….I’m trying not to tap my foot through my deck as I stand, impatiently. Then as she opens the door, guess who comes racing out? KRYTON!!!!

How could today get any worse?

I quickly run after him (as much as my heels would allow). Belinda was completely at a loss. She tried to catch him, but that for sure wasn’t going to happen any time soon. Once he gets going, he’s gone. He loves to run and RUN. He’s quick and long legged. One of my neighbors was walking down the street with his dog and decided to try and get in on the action. Seeing that running wasn’t going to do the trick, I ran inside, grabbed a treat and a leash, and came back. By this point, he had already run a block and a half down, with my neighbor and his dog on the trail. I started dashing through yards in my heels trying to catch up, but with each step I took, my heels dug into the ground causing me to get stuck in the dirt, over and over again. At this point, this tall, seemingly cute neighbor and his dog are just gawking and laughing offering VERY unhelpful tips. (Yeah, why don't you just stand over there with your tall, masculine, athletic body, while I run through the mud looking geeky and stupid.) I do not need his criticism…I have an interview to get to. Kryton was constantly teasing me. He would wait for me to get close and then dash off again….JERK.

Finally I tricked him into taking a treat as I hooked the leash onto him. I walked him back to the house—through the yards once again—as he trotted happily. He was sooo proud of himself.

I dropped him off, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door. I had 15 minutes before the interview across town, I could still make it. So I dashed in my car and headed off. I turned off my street and around the corner and guess what is there? Well road construction, of course! Down to a one-lane road and LOTS of traffic. PERFECT! Patience is not something I have at this point, does nobody understand that I have a JOB INTERVIEW?? My first one in weeks!!! I’m dying here!

Finally I make it across town and pull into the parking lot with 6 minutes to spare. YES! I’ve done it! I pulled down my visor and look into the mirror at my perfectly crafted hair and makeup…….oh no. My perfectly quaffed curls have gone mad and now I look like medusa and have sweat all over my face, which has made all of my makeup run. I am now looking like a serial killer with dirt all over my pants and shoes….awesome. I try to push down my hair, wipe off the sweat, and get ready to go in. I reach over for my letter of reference that I needed and it’s not there! OH NO!!! In all of the chaos, I left it at home! No doubt, it’s sitting by the front door, where my keys previously sat.

How is this even happening right now? I wasn’t late so no need for an excuse there, but the paper? I could tell the truth, but who would believe that? Got locked out? Dog got loose? Road construction? All of these sound like a “my dog ate my homework” story. There is no way someone would believe that. I was still waiting on another letter to turn in anyway so I just went for a lie and said I was waiting on two letters. Hey-- it was a partial truth and farrrr more believable than the “my dog ate my homework” story that actually happened.

I don’t know if it’s God, fate, or divine intervention, but something tells me I am not supposed to have this job…..