just alyssa

When I was a kid, I dreamed that by 26 I’d be married, have a career, and would be starting a family. I dreamed of owning my own house and having a fenced in backyard for lots of dogs and kids to run in. I imagined I’d be settled in my plans and would have everything figured out. Yet here I sit, staring down birthday after birthday, having genuinely NO clue what I’m doing. I am a horribly unhealthy eater, to which my doctor has so delicately pointed out my weight gain in the past couple of years, and highlighted an exercise plan for me because I’m now considered in the “obese” category.  A huge thank you to that God-forsaken BMI. Exercise? Running alone sounds like an episode of criminal minds and going to the gym always results in that creepy guy that moves to the equipment behind you to stare at your ass. I see you, bro. I’m spinning in circles just trying to get my footing on at least ONE plan that I had. I can’t keep a relationship to save my life, yet I have ...

I loved you. And I never really understood how much that word weighed until I started carrying it in my pockets. I marveled at how it sunk deep into my vocabulary and took over every syllable left in my mouth. I tried so hard to plan out the confession and the speech I would deliver to you so beautifully. But that word, with all its weight, foiled those plans. Things changed quicker than I could exhale a breath. I was in the middle, before I saw it all begin. And that’s how fast love happens. It doesn’t politely knock on your door, or mail itself to you in an envelope, waiting to be opened. It just storms through your life and steals you. And then… On the phone, hours into a cool September night, I stuttered to you. I said your name. You were rambling and I had long stopped listening. In my head, all I heard was my own thoughts I love you, I love you, I love you. I said your name again. You stopped. A pause. A breath for me to deliver something eloquent. A...

From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were special. A scruffy, underweight 2 year old, with a skiddish demeanor and warm brown eyes, standing outside of a pet store with all the other rescue dogs. You came to me with slow uncertainty, but quickly warmed up to the stroke of my hand down your back. I knew once I held you, that was it for us. You were mine. You made me so nervous in the car that day, bouncing back and forth between the front and backseat. That became the first of many roadtrips for us and you learned to lay claim to the front seat. I always felt bad that I kept my music so loud in the car, but you never seemed to mind, just excited to be along for the ride.  Thinking back to all our adventures, there are so many things I never thanked you for; so much I need to say about the last 6 years. Thank you for staying up with me through all those nights in college. Thank you for always finding ways to make me smile, even in my most stre...