just alyssa

Okay ladies, here it is. DATING. IS. HARD. It’s hard. I’m pretty sure that skydiving without a parachute, and learning to fly on your own and surviving the fall, would actually be easier. Okay- slight exaggeration, maybe not. But the concept is there. Dating is hard, and it sucks. And NO, this article is not for you ladies who met the perfect guy in high school or are already married or are with your college sweetheart, or have been with the same guy for forever. This is NOT relationship advice or a guide to keeping your man happy. (By the way, can I just go ahead and throw out there how stupid that is?? Needing advice to make HIM happy? Be yourself….okay sorry..I’ll stop ranting.) No, this is not for you. This is for us unfortunate characters who have not yet found our [soul] mate. This is for the girls that have to go on countless dates with strangers, hoping one of them will be our match. This is for the women who watch the clock tick away our precious child-baring ye...

I am a collector. While some people collect knick knacks and model car hobbies, I collect the intangible things. I collect people and the moments they leave me with. I collect beautiful memories along with the scars they leave in their wake. I collect streams of tears that pool just underneath the surface, fighting to break free. I collect moments of self doubt and insecurity. And amongst all the pain, I collect the smiles other people give me, and do my best to remember to wear them. What I’ve come to realize in my mere 24 years of living, is that every day we’re becoming different people. Often times I find myself living in the shadows of what my past has given me, and forget what I was looking forward to tomorrow. Over the past year I have changed in more ways than I can count. I have collected many moments and people. Some have left a bitter taste in my mouth, while others have become my safe harbor. I do my best to live by the principle that “God has a plan”, ...

Singlehood is a life I’m well equipped to handle. I spend my nights wearing over-sized sweaters, drinking hot tea, getting lost in the lives of many book characters, and while I may fall hopelessly in love with each turn of a page, reality soon sets in when the book is done. I’m at the age where my friends are getting married and having children and my mailbox is flooded with baby shower and wedding invitations, not to mention all the smiling couples on Christmas cards. I don’t typically dwell on this as a form of sadness, because I am absolutely happy to have so many amazing friends who have found happiness and have started families. I, however, am one of those lone ranger people begging her friends not to bail on New Year’s. Thankfully, I do have a few single girl friends to share these struggles with, as well as a couple of guy friends. As we get older and grow more impatient with the way our lives have outlined, I find myself in the midst of many heartbreaks, whether i...

"Who are you?", he declares from across the table. I stare at him hard, trying to piece together his question.....who. am. I? I'm already slapping myself for agreeing to have coffee. I knew it wouldn't help, yet he insisted we talk. Which basically means he's going to guilt trip me for not sharing his affections for me. "Who are you, Alyssa?", he asks once more, interrupting my thoughts. The more I try to reel that question in to a thought that could produce something meaningful, the quieter I become. I hitch a breath and shake my head. There comes a point in our lives where we get tired of being crouched and uncomfortable, so we decide to crawl out of the boxes we have fit in so perfectly these many years. We stand up and try to find a new path, away from all the labels we've been given. Our eyes are made of glass, giving back the reflection of those around us. We contort our bodies and minds to fit the needs of others and let go of the ownership ...

When a close friend of mine died back in 2009, I downloaded a song by Tenth Avenue North called Hold My Heart. That song was on my ipod and forever on repeat for nearly a year. I kept listening to it over and over again, thinking about the lyrics, wondering when the “maker of the stars was going to come close and hold my heart”. I cried many times that year during this song, never once from happiness. I remember thinking, “what’s the point?” You get straight A’s, go to church, don’t drink, don’t cuss, don’t smoke, don’t have sex……you play by all the moral rules society has instilled in you and you still end up suffering from a broken heart. As I drove away from my friend’s apartment tonight that song came on the radio. My heart swelled and ached with so many memories of what my life had been. Was that really five years ago? Tonight I sat at my friend’s apartment, eating soup, and giving her the advice I’d been handed nearly a year ago. It’s funny how the lessons we...