just alyssa

There will be a day... When it no longer hurts. When it stops being painful to breathe. You will wake up and be grateful that your heart has known pain, and appreciate the love it has allowed you to give so freely. You will stop analyzing all the spoken words, and bring silence to all the unspoken thoughts, and simply be you . You will stop punishing yourself for the mistakes you have made, and accept the lessons everything has given you. You will not hurt, but you will be thankful that you have come to know your own strength. You will not be sad. You will accept that you have always done your best, and now that you know better, you can do better. You will stop casting out judgement on others, and stop fearing the judgments that may be placed upon you. You will learn to embrace the “crazy”. You will learn to quiet your own nerves. You will stop needing an answer for everything, and learn to appreciate the power of a good silence. You will le...

Relationships are hard. They can be exhausting and sometimes hurtful and yet they teach us everything we need to know about ourselves. We fall in and out of bad relationships clinging to the idea that without someone else's love, we are nothing. One of my favorite movie quotes is from, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. That movie is a great lesson in defining who we really are. A line that was a defining moment for me was, "We accept the love we think we deserve." I remember watching that movie for the first time and being struck so hard it was as if a lightning bolt had just cast through my living room and slammed me into my couch. We accept the love we think we deserve.... As children, our value is given to us by our parents. They teach us how to be kind and accepting and they give us our worth. But as adults, we look to society to re-affirm the things that have been taught, or to correct the things that were missed. Somehow we get to this point wh...

Well here it is. It's that time of year again, when we realize that our New Year's Resolution was, yet again, a joke and we are forced to cram our bodies into something that should be considered "under garments", to enjoy the wonderful world of water. I always hate this time of year. I hate being hot. I hate sweating. I hate my allergies. And I HATE swimming suits. How are they even considered "suits"? They barely cover ANYTHING!! Every year I try to find a new swimsuit to outdo last year's, thinking maybe this will be my year. Maybe this is the year I will look great! Maybe this year, other girls won't judge me. Maybe this year, guys won't stare at my chest. Maybe this year, I can find something more flattering. Maybe this year, my body won't suck. Maybe.... Lies. All of it. I have the unfortunate problem of being both short and busty. I am fabulously disproportionate, therefore nothing fits. At all. And I hate th...

Often times we live our lives in the grey area of black and white situations,  always afraid of making the big decisions.  I'm always waiting for someone else to guide me or tell me what to do. I wait for them to carve me a path so I know where I'm going. I remember being a kid and playing miniature golf with my dad and I always wanted him to go first so I could watch the path he took, afraid to try and do it on my own. I needed his unspoken guidance. I needed that example. Even today I wait for others' examples to take me where I want to go. Recently I had a discussion with my sister about things in my life that were frustrating me. I wanted everything to line up perfectly and I was flustered and angry and I didn't want to have to make any decisions.  Finally, she got tired of reasoning with me and screamed,  "Alyssa stop trying to learn from MY mistakes. They are MINE! You have to screw up all by yourself and learn from that. Quit trying to prot...

To my best friend's guy: So you're dating my best friend. Let me start by saying, I am NOT your enemy. I know there are tons of girls who are overprotective of their best friends and often interrogate you and might sometimes be hostile, but I am here as your friend. I am here to tell you that I am on your side, because I am on her side. Let me first tell you about our friendship. She and I have been friends for years. I've been there for all the heartbreaks and all the loves. I've seen her at her best and at her worst. We've laughed together. We've cried together. She will eat literally anything I cook and we always eat off each others' plates at restaurants. We stay up late searching new bands and finding new songs to fall in love with. She's always bringing me little gifts, just because that's the kind of person she is. She's that friend who is 10,000 times more attractive than me, but still firmly believes we are equal. S...

There comes a time when you finally hit that age where relationships, kids, and families start to come into the picture. You do the job thing and your life starts to take its natural course....or it's supposed to. The societal norm would be to go to college, meet your dream partner, get a job, get married, buy a house with a white picket fence, and have babies. Voila. You've done it. But what I don't understand is how this went from being a dream to an actual goal. People who get engaged look at it as some sort of success. A success of what? Capturing someone's heart? Finally following what society has shown you to be the "norm"? I, too, have had these same ambitions. They have just looked a little different. I am extraordinarily selfish, in that, I chose not to date in college (setting aside the fact that I literally didn't have the time) because I didn't want it to get in the way of what I was trying to accomplish. I didn't want a distr...

There's 2 things I've learned about life. 1st, nothing is set up to go my way. 2nd, I'll be okay. Sometimes, we grow up, convincing ourselves of the perfect life we will lead. We think, "Well today isn't so great, but 10 years from now, I won't even notice." I'm sure there comes a time when that statement is true, but so far--I remember 10 years ago just as much as I remember yesterday. Our pasts shape us into who are. The experiences we have. The friendships we develop. The faults in all of our perfectly laid plans. Recently, after quitting my job in social work, where I was for the past year, I was told that I looked happier and healthier. Really? After a week in a new position, I'm healthier? My position was definitely a struggle and I knew that. I just didn't realize how much it effected other people in my life. It was emotionally taxing in more than one way. I'm so used to helping other people and trying to be their ...