just alyssa

Every day I wake up, get out of bed, and begin my “normal” routine for what my life has become. The question is “what has my life become?” I’m walking around trying to come up with some excuse for why things don’t turn out the way I want them to. I go over and over it in my head thinking there is a completely logical explanation for why my life has become a complete and utter failure of nonstop chaos and disappointment. I keep thinking that a happy ending is going to come out of this. Like somehow my life is a movie, a very dramatic, spontaneous, chaotic, disruption of life type of movie where a happy ending always follows the rough edgings. But is it really an ending that I’m looking for? Somehow I feel like this is just the beginning. This is where it all starts. First, we come up with a plan. Then we go to school and create a new plan. Then we graduate school and again…..find a new plan. And we change our plans again..and again and….again. Because it’s not OUR plan that we’...

Well the time has come once again. Our beloved Valentine’s Day is upon us. As you all know, I am not a fan of this so called “holiday”. In fact, I’m insulted by the mere fact that it is even considered a holiday. I get every other holiday. Christmas and Easter are religious, New Year’s celebrates a fresh start, 4 th of July is for Independence Day…. I mean, they all make sense. It’s not like February really needs a holiday. We have Christmas, then New Year’s, and St. Patrick’s Day in March. Valentine’s Day is just another economic holiday to get people to spend more money. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the 3 months after Christmas people are not spending very much money. The sales go down, employees get hours cut, and the cheeriness of Christmas wears off. I get it, but the media is out of control.   If you’re in a relationship, you automatically feel an overwhelming pressure to get your partner something AMAZING! Guys are told to buy her jewelry, even tho...

Part I The day started off good. I woke up to a phone call from one of the places that I had applied for a job. They wanted me to come in for an interview at 2:30. FANTASTIC!!! I have been sitting at home all day, every day for nearly 4 weeks! A job interview was just what I needed to lift my spirits. I started my day off right, with a crisp attitude, and a smidge of hope to keep me going. Could this be the job I’d been waiting for? With all of my new found hope and happiness, the morning seemed to call for a little something extra. So I jumped out of bed, grabbed my ipod and headed for the shower. I proceeded to get ready for the day by blaring Third Eye Blind and Matchbox Twenty. Suddenly I was back in high school and getting ready for a school dance. The only difference was the ipod in place of the cd/cassette player and stack of cd’s. I just felt good. I bounced around the house, did some laundry, replied to some emails, and watched some tv. [If you find yourself bored, ...

Sometimes I feel like a mime, trapped in some invisible box that I can’t seem to get out of. I try to scream for help, but there is no sound. The only sound that comes is the sound of a tree falling in an empty forest with no people around to hear it. Does it make a sound? Am I really asking for someone to hear me or did I say anything at all? Some days I’m plagued by the blunt truth and the nature of a harsh reality. Life isn’t always easy and things don’t just fall into place. I have never given much thought to how hard I have to work to achieve things. I’ve always just done them and then admired my accomplishments later with a brief smile before moving on to the next thing. But the truth is, I work hard. I work REALLY hard. Life is different for everyone and the experiences we have while we’re young can teach us to appreciate everything we have along the way. I am far beyond appreciation. My parents are wonderful, hardworking, and loving people who have never strived for a...

Most girls grow up dreaming of a fairytale wedding with their perfect prince charming and my childhood was no different. My dad always looked out for my sister and I and taught my brother to be very protective. I learned the right guys from the wrong just by the things my dad would say. Once I hit Junior High the boy idea started to roll in and I had various "guy friends" who were happy to be "more than a friend". For me, a boyfriend was the guy who carried your books home from school and called you at night. That was the typical Junior High boyfriend and I was happy with that. I pretty much dated the same guy off and on throughout Junior High. He walked me to and from school everyday. That was all him and I needed and we were perfectly happy with that. When we reached High School I decided it was time to end our little charade. I wasn't ready for a mature "High School" relationship so to speak. It seemed like a wise decision.  I grew up in an ...